Last Saturday (the 11th) I was awoke by thumping on my door. I climbed out of bed, making no effort to be quiet so I didn't wake the man who I had slept with the previous night and whilst thoughts of being greeted by men whom I had slept with and not phoned as promised went through my mind, I opened the door and Kelly came charging in, dropped her bags and went running towards the bedroom, whilst doing so she was shouting "Jesus Kyle, have I just woke you from a coma?! I am bursting for the toilet and have been banging on your door for the past 5 minutes-" I began closing the door and it was pushed back towards me whilst a familiar voice said "Excuse me, who do you think you're closing the door on Mr. McQuillan?" It was Ellie. I bent down and kissed her on either cheek and she said "Marvellous to see you dear, now where do you intend on taking me to this evening. I simply must have an amazing night seeing as I am only here for the one." I was shocked by this, both due to the fact there was three luggage trollies outside my door and also that she loves Paris, she said "I know dear, a complete inconvenience however it's my little sister's thirteenth birthday tomorrow and my parents have taken her out of boarding school to take her to Dubai for presents. I simply must go with them to nurture her and also ensure she is just as much of a brat as I. I haven't seen her since the summer, no great loss.. She's a swine at times... Nevertheless, Kayleigh will be joining me on Tuesday, the approximate time of suicide, to save me so it shall be less of an endurance." She went and ordered some room service and I heard the toilet flush followed by the powder room door opening. I heard her say "Oh good morning, nice to meet you, I'm Kyle's friend Kelly." He replied in French and she said "Oh bloody hell, I knew that was going to happen." She came out of the bedroom and said "Kyle, why is it that you always pick the ones who speak foreign? If him being gay was not enough, I can no longer seduce him with words.." I didn't reply to this and merely asked how she was. She told me she was fine and how she had no longing to return to London as it was boring her, therefore she was staying until further notice.
The room was chaotic, Ellie was on the phone to her mother, room service had arrived and the bell boy had began taking cases off the trolley and leaving them in my room. Kelly noticed this and said "Excuse me, I am not staying in this room, this luggage needs to be elsewhere." He asked which room was hers and she said "I have no idea, please bore somebody else with your questions and inform me when you have found your answers. Thank you." She handed him €10 and closed the door. Just as the three of us sat down to eat breakfast somebody knocked at the door again. I got up and flung it open saying "Yes?" My mother walked in and said "Kyle that is no way to greet someone, I have brought you up better than that." I was rather shocked to see her and tied my gown so that my underwear and half naked body was no longer visible. She walked into the lounge and said "Oh good morning girls! When did you arrive?" They had a little conversation and then she said "I'm not staying Kyle, I have a meeting in a little while. I fly home again this evening. You must come back to London soon, your father and I want to show you the house we're contemplating making an offer on in Knightsbridge." My parents are selling their current home in London and hoping to move to somewhere bigger, why? I have no idea. I no longer live there, Gabrielle is moving to New York mid November yet they wish to purchase an 8 bedroomed home (that said, 3 are for staff.) Just to my luck, in the middle of our conversation, the man whom I had slept with the night before walked out of the bedroom. He walked out wearing his pants from the previous night whilst still buttoning up his shirt. My mother stopped talking and looked at him with disgust. My eyes widened and I looked at Kelly in horror whilst biting my bottom lip. He smiled at my mother and said "Good morning" in English, she said "Hmm, it was until thoughts of my son's sexual addiction were verified." She turned and looked at me and the man said "Au Revoir" and left.
It was awkward for about 5 minutes and then my mother stood up and went to the bathroom. I looked at Kelly and Ellie who were laughing and said "She will have me in rehab before long, she always manages to catch me out." Then I realised something and said "Just to add to her theory, there is 3 box's of 18 condoms on the side in the bathroom." Kelly said "Oh I know, I took some. I had none left in my purse." My mother returned, her outfit, which consisted of a grey Karl Largerfeld dress, grey tights, burgundy Rupert Sanderson shoes and an Alexander McQueen bag, made her seem in more of a mood than she actually was; she said "It was nice seeing you girls, good bye Kyle, I shall speak to you in the week." She kissed me on the cheek, Kelly and Ellie said "Good day Camilla" simultaneously in an attempt to lighten the mood (failed) and she left. Upon her departure I said "Well that went well.." Kelly laughed and said "Kyle do not worry about it. My parents are under the illusion that I am a prostitute. For some inexplicable reason my mother decided to read her credit card bill for the first time in goodness knows how long and saw the amount of hotels which I have been paying for. She knew it was for sexual reasons and so didn't question that however she was a little worried about the frequency and asked whether I was doing it for fun or a career. Well I was so appalled that she had the nerve to say such a thing that I went in a mood and she took me shopping to make up for it, she hasn't mentioned it since. That said, this week I have been staying at your house so there will be no hotels." She smiled. I asked where she had got my keys from and she said "Oh Gabrielle gave them to me, I have my own set too but they're in my room somewhere and I cannot be bothered looking. I have returned them to Gabrielle now though, I think she may be staying there a little, I am unsure." I was completely unaware that she had a set of keys for my house or that she had been staying there whilst I had been away. I asked how many people she'd taken back there and she looked at me as though I was stupid. I was in a way, that was such a ridiculous question to ask "You expect me to have kept count dear? All I can tell you is that one of them is a receptionist in your hotel oh and that man from Ralph Lauren, you know that girl who I went to school with well she's checked into The Priory now because..." I let her talk to me about that girl for a few minutes and I mumbled at the right time so she thought I was listening - I wasn't.
Once we'd finished breakfast Kelly stood and told us that she was going out for a while when I asked where she said "Kyle darling, I am in Paris I have people to catch up with" Ellie then said "Will it be females or males?" She smirked and said "Well Ellie dear, that depends on whether the male in question is worth it and whether or not the female is good looking" I'm sure this wasn't where Ellie was heading with the conversation. I complained about Kelly's departure and said "Oh Kelly, I hoped me and you could spend the rest of the morning in the bedroom..." She said "Oh well I am sorry dear, I expect I shall be here for a while so there's plenty of time, Ellie's here all afternoon.. Sleep with her." I looked at Ellie and smiled, she put down her croissant and said "No.. I have a boyfriend now." Me and Kelly looked at one another, looked back at Ellie and simultaneously said "So..." She sounded like my mother and said "Kyle no, I cannot do that" Kelly picked up her bag and said "Ellie dear, don't be ridiculous, what he doesn't know will not hurt him and besides, I have seen the man and I find it highly unlikely that the sex is as good as what you will experience with Kyle... I shall see you in a few hours." As soon as the door slam Ellie looked and me and just said "Despite the fact that she is right, the answer is no, end of discussion." I went and had a shower and then Ellie and I went to the spa. Afterwards, whilst Ellie went to get her hair done, I went to the gym and by the time I got up to my room it was almost 5. I phoned Kelly's mobile when I got up to my room and asked where she was, she told me she was back in the hotel and she'd come to my room. I watched telly whilst awaiting a knock at the door and then I heard something land on the dining room table. I jumped up and screamed (or the male equivalent) and span around and Kelly began screaming and jumping on the spot she was saying "What what?!" I stopped shouting and said "Jesus Kelly, are you trying to give me a heart attack! ...What on earth were you screaming for?" She managed to stop screaming and said "I thought you'd seen a mouse or something!" I asked her how she'd got into the room and she said "We have adjoining ones, mines through that door and down a little hall way." My tone changed from hysterical to clam as I realised, that was the room Gabrielle and I used to share when we were younger and my parents would stay in the one I was in. Gabrielle and I used to sneak down there in the middle of the night and go into my parents room and drag my father's jeans out and my mother's handbags and take money haha.
Me and Kelly ended up having much needed intercourse and then we began getting ready. Once I had showered the hairdresser come to my room and trimmed my hair then I put on a pair of metallicy black slim fit pants from Dolce & Gabbana with a black shirt from Gucci, a beige and leopard print cardigan from Alexander McQueen - which I left unbuttoned, a black leather and gold chain Gucci belt, a gold Rolex and some black Gucci ankle boots. I grabbed my wallet, Blackberry and condoms and phoned Kelly to see if she was ready. She told me she almost was and I had to go and zip her into her dress. I walked down the hallway and opened the door; she was stood there in sky high Burberry prorsum curved heel shoes, stockings, suspenders, lace underwear and matching bra. She was on the phone when I got in there so I took the opportunity to ring Gabrielle. She answered the phone and said "I was wondering when you were finally going to ring... How are you?" we had a little catch up and in the middle of the conversation she interrupted me and said "Ugh, what has happened to the water.." I heard her open the kettle and she said "That is repulsive, I am going to vomit" I asked what and she said "I boiled some milk in the kettle earlier today and it all seems to have dried inside and the water I have just boiled has gone cloudy with floating milk bits in." I heard her pour the water away, open the bin and drop the kettle in, she then bellowed "Jack-jack!" a.k.a Jackie, my father's p.a who does everything for us "We need a new kettle" I presume my father shouted her as she said "because father the other one had dried milk inside and it made the water disgusting... How else should I boil milk?... I have no idea where pan's are kept and I don't know how to turn the stove on. Anyway Kyle.." She also attempted to boil 4 eggs at the same time in the kettle. It failed of course. Once Kelly had finished her conversation she signalled for me to do likewise. I did so and helped her into her black fitted Giambattista Valli dress, she grabbed condoms and her clutch and we went to get Ellie. She opened the door wearing a dark grey sparkly Marc Jacobs dress, a black and silver Erickson Beamon cuff and enormous Harry Winston diamond ring which she got on her 18th (it set her parents back a mere fortune) with some Giuseppe Zanotti jewel embellished heels. Finally, we were ready.
Upon entering the club we went straight to the bar, I bought us all some drinks and then we went and got a table. After an hour or so of talking with one another and being bought drinks by random people one of the Laslau sons came over (I can't remember which one.) His father owns a number of tourist attractions including Madame Tussaurds and a number of theme parks. I think he was on drugs and came over saying "Kyle! Where have you been? Oh and you Kelly Moss.. I was wondering when I'd hear from you next." The alcohol she had been consuming had gone straight to her head so she smiled and said "Well it would have been longer had you not ran into us here tonight" he appeared to not have heard her and punched me in the arm - I had to control my drink so that it did not spill on Ellie - and said "So who's your other friend here?" Ellie looked at Kelly and mouthed "What's he like?" Kelly very audibly replied "He's ok in bed, he uses what he has - which I might add, isn't much - to it's fullest" he attempted to but in and said "Oi Kelly -" She looked at him and said "Why are you talking?" he shut up and she turned back to Ellie "but he was a penis and boasted about his wealth all the time and then offered to take me shopping and refused to buy me a £1000 dress, I handed over my card and paid and he was embarrassed. That being the reason for his attitude now.. Don't worry though, just sleep with him, don't give him your number and you will not have any of that trouble." Ellie went and me and Kelly went to the bar. People were continuously approaching her and asking to buy her drinks and she just looked at them said "No" and turned back to me, girls were staring at me from all over the room and a few approached however I merely told them to go and inform there gay friends where I was stood.
Me and Kelly were having an amazing time. A couple of hours had passed since Ellie had left us and me and Kelly were undoubtedly drunk. I was past caring whether I went back to the hotel with anybody, although a few men had approached I was having too much fun with Kelly to leave her to risk having good sex when I knew I would certainly have good sex with her. People were still approaching her and she just told them no, the occasional one put up a fight and I recall her saying to one man "You need to spend some time in a mirror my friend, clearly what you see is distorted... People who look like me do not sleep with people who look like you." It continued like this until about 3 when we finally decided to leave. This was when the main event of the night commenced. We walked for about a minute and then I took out my phone to ring for a car. Being drunk, I wasn't functioning properly and dropped my Blackberry, when it hit the floor and broke into pieces I accidentally kicked it and it went skidding across the floor and down a grid. I turned around and looked at Kelly who found it rather amusing and went into her bag to find her own phone. Only, she didn't find it. She retraced her steps and remembered last having it in the bathroom and must've left it on the basin whilst she washed her hands. The smile soon went from her face. I asked whether she had any change so that we could use a pay-phone, she merely replied saying "Since when have I carried change with me Kyle?" The answer was never and nor did I so we set off walking, finding the situation a little amusing. After about 5 minutes any humorous factor had been eradicated as the light drizzle began and the cold reached my bones, Kelly was complaining of the excruciating pain her shoes were causing in the arch of her foot and so she removed them and got on my back. I also had to remove my cardigan and give it to her to wear. So there we were, Kelly on my back with her shoes in hand wearing my cardigan over her dress in the drizzle, wondering the streets of Paris at half past 3. Classy! I decided to take a shortcut that I knew of through a wooded area, despite the fact Kelly begged me not to. Kelly had tightened her legs around my waist due to her being scared and at one point screamed at the top of her voice, I span on the spot to see if anything was behind us and slipped in some mud, falling side wards (with Kelly on my back) and landing on the floor. It was so painful. I had no hands to cushion the fall and on the way down Kelly repetitively screamed. My face was literally pressed against the floor and Kelly still had her legs around me in a piggy-back position. I pulled myself up off the floor as did Kelly she stood up and said "You idiot! Look at the state of me!" She had mud and leaves in her hair, mud up one side of her dress and on her knees plus a rip up her tights; I had mud right up one side of my body and on my knees and it was smeared on my cheek and in my hair. I shouted back at Kelly "Look at the state of me! This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't started screaming!" We looked ridiculous, we were arguing in the middle of some woods, she had no shoes on and was stood in the mud with leaves in her hair and ripped tights, she shouted back "Well I wouldn't have been so scared of everything had you not lead us through this mud trail! Now carry me to the road where ever that may be" I bent down and picked her up. I carried her over my shoulder right to the road and she moaned all the way. Upon reaching the footpath we spotted an open cafe, Kelly put her shoes on and went running in screaming "Help, help!" She looked as though she'd just been raped or something so I followed her in and explained the situation to the Frenchman. Kelly then gave him €25 to get us through to the Ritz and we told them we needed a car immediately. In the light Kelly looked even worse, her makeup was either not there or in places it shouldn't be and she had a cut on her leg, mud had replaced the black leather on my shoes that had never been worn before and I looked dreadful.
Due to the cold our joints had seized up and so Kelly and I waddled into the hotel. Everyone stared at us and when we passed the concierge I said "Phone (Ellie's room) and tell her we're back, also have some hot chocolate sent to my room." It took us forever to walk to my suite and when we got there Ellie was stood at the door. When she saw us she bent over in a fit of laughter. Kelly and I had our shoes in our hands and could barely walk, our faces were expressionless and I ignored Ellie and opened the door. Ellie couldn't speak for laughing and Kelly said "This is no laughing matter Ellie!" Kelly and I went straight into the bathroom and turned on the bath and shower. I looked in the mirror and I looked dreadful. I had never seen myself look so bad in years. Kelly I stood and undressed and Kelly began crying when she looked in the mirror because she looked a mess. Ellie was still laughing. I got in the shower and Kelly got in the bath. I was so cold the hot water stung. As I washed my hair bits of twig and leaves were falling out it was disgusting. After a good 10 minutes shower I got out and looked at Kelly, she said "Turn the shower back on. This is no use. Look at the water." It was dark brown and there was leaves in it haha. She stood up and walked and got into the shower. I dried myself and put on a bathrobe and Kelly did the same. We went and got a drink of hot chocolate which room service had left in the room for us. Kelly and I looked respectable again now although Ellie seemed to unable to wipe the image from her mind as she erupted into a fit of laughter each time she attempted speaking. At about 4 Kelly and I got into bed and went straight to sleep.
When I woke up in the morning and got out of bed to go to the powder room I felt the effects of the previous night. It was in no way a hangover, instead every inch of my body ached and I was walking hunched. I got back into bed and phoned the spa to book a massage when Kelly woke up and mumbled, book me one too and then groaned as she rolled over to face me. We began talking about the previous night and then Ellie knocked on the door. I went and opened it and she came running in in her pyjamas. I went back into the bedroom and joined both of them in bed. I felt like a fifteen year old again when I used to do this with Gabrielle in the very same bed, talking about who we'd kissed etc however this morning we all sat and laughed about the events a few hours prior to the conversation. It was apparent that the cause of the major catastrophe - Kelly's screaming - was due to a bird she heard in the bush and mistook for a rapist... Blonde I feel is all that is needed to be said. Ellie went and collected her many bags from her room and then came and said good bye before she departed to catch her jet to Dubai. Kelly and I spent the rest of the day in the spa and then dined in the hotel in the evening.
Throughout the rest of the week Kelly and I shopped, met up with friends and had a considerable amount of sex, with one another and also with people from our contact lists. We both had phones sent out to us the next day to replace the ones we both managed to cause great inconvenience by losing. We didn't go out clubbing all week and found people to sleep with via other means, that was until Friday.. On Friday evening we decided we were bored of staying in and would go and have a few drinks in the bar in the hotel. I was wearing a white shirt from Gucci, a short grey fringed scarf which I had bought from Gucci that week, a black cardigan from Burberry Prorsum, some Armani Collezioni pants, a pair of Bottega Veneta shoes, a Gucci belt and my black ceramic Rado watch. Kelly was wearing a midnight blue bustier pencil skirt dress by Redux which she had tailored that afternoon with a pair of satin Bally heels and a Christian Laboutin clutch which had black and blue feathers on. Kelly and I sat at The Hemmingway Bar and ordered some drinks, I had a Martini and Kelly had a Cosmopolitan, we also ordered some caviar... The bill came to €98 which was a pleasant surprise. The barman was lovely and when I told him my room number upon which to charge the drinks he said "Ahh, VIP I see Mr. McQuillan.. In that case allow me to make you and your beautiful friend here a special drink." Apparently it was on the computer that I am a friend of Camilla's and that I checked in here with her, it proved to be quite an advantage as the cocktail which was made for us was delicious and not on the menu. We continued drinking these €28 cocktails for the majority of the night until we moved into the Bar Vendome where a man sent a bottle of Louis Roederer Cristal Brut to our table for Kelly. The gentleman who sent the champagne was a little older than us, dark haired, well dressed and sat with a group of equally good looking men. Although the champagne wasn't for me I had a glass anyway, it wouldn't have been any great loss if they got offended and decided to not send any more, but it appeared not to bother them. Once we'd finished the bottle a waitress came back over to our table and told us we'd been asked to join the men, we did so and introduced ourselves. The group were all business men (I switched off when they began telling us) and were all around 27, some from France and some from England. The man who'd sent the champagne was called Will and asked whether Kelly and I were siblings, when I told him we weren't he began apologising as he thought he had been sending my girlfriend drinks; we assured him that we weren't and that we were merely good friends to which he said "How can two such good looking people just be friends?" Kelly and I laughed and then he said "So Kelly, did you enjoy the champagne?" She said "Why yes of course, however if you were under the illusion that sending me a bottle of Louis Roederer would get you somewhere or impress me then you are mistaken" the whole table was looking at her "If you had intentions of moving forward from drinks to something perhaps a little more intimate, you have gone the wrong way about it. I am worth an awful lot more than a €270 bottle of champagne and the fact that you failed to notice that has a number of negative connotations, it is those which make me a little hesitant towards going any further with you." The man's friends were sniggering and Kelly sat staring at him awaiting a response. If he failed to deliver an adequate one she wouldn't go further with him as this meant he wasn't man enough and would probably be unsatisfactory in bed. I know this girl inside out haha. Will seemed a little stumped at first and then cleared his throat and said "Well how about I try and better my poor attempt of seduction in somewhere a little more lively. A few of our friends are in a night club and we were going to go.." Kelly smiled and said "Marvellous, this Piano playing is beginning to age me, let's go gentleman." She didn't even let them finish their drinks.
Kelly and I took a minor detour via the concierge who would ring the club and get us on the list and then met the group of men at the front of the hotel where they were waiting for cars. The valet told them their cars would be a minute or so and then when me and Kelly walked outside the valet said "Good evening, will you require a car this evening?" I told him immediately if possible and one pulled up instantly. He said to the men "Apologies however VIP's are our priority." Kelly smiled at them and we got into the car. We instructed the driver to drive around for a while so that we didn't arrive before them. When we pulled up at the club Will and his friends were stood in line in the freezing cold. Kelly walked past them towards the front of the queue and said "You're second attempt hasn't got off to a great start I must say Will" I signalled for him to get out of line and follow us. When we got to the doorman I said "Kyle McQuillan and Kelly Moss" he checked the list for our names and lifted the rope, I then said "also, could you let these in, they're with us" the doorman looked them up and down and then, after not speaking for a few moments, nodded. Whilst making our way to the bar Will tapped me on the shoulder and said "Kelly, how did you get yourself on the list... I feel it would be good if I was able to do so in the future" I laughed and said "Will,unless you're exceptionally good in the bedroom, this is all you will get with Kelly and if you are, there is a slight chance you might get a phone call in the future. Make the most of it." Kelly then beckoned me over and Will followed. We took a seat at a table and ordered some drinks, I was having Martinis again and Kelly was having champagne cocktails. After an hour or so of sitting around Kelly and I went to the dance floor, before I left I asked Will to find out if any of his friends knew of anybody homosexual; apparently he did. When we returned, a little more drunk than when we left the table the rest of Will's friends were sat there. They too were all good looking. Everybody stared at Kelly and I as we sat down and Will introduced us to everyone, thankfully there was one gentleman in particular who stared at me and smiled and kept on doing so whilst I ordered shots for the entire table. Goodness knows why. I had drank enough, however regardless of that, as requested shots arrived for everyone. We all drank them and afterwards shudders went through more or less everybody's bodies although it didn't taste all that bad, there was no doubt about the fact that it was strong.
After an hour or so I had moved to sit next to the person whom I correctly presumed was gay and Kelly was awfully loud and hyperactive due her consumption of alcohol, because of this almost all eyes around the table were on her. At one point she went to the toilet and left me talking to the gay bore... I spent the entire conversation looking over his shoulder pretending to listen when I was in fact people watching, it was a lot more exciting than this dull conversation. My Blackberry began ringing for the hundredth time of the evening, usually I just ignore it as it's usually people saying "Kyle will you be coming out in London tonight or Hey Kyle, I'm bored would you like to come round..." Invites for good sex were torture at this moment in time however it was Kelly who was ringing. I answered and she said "This gorgeous man just pulled me onto the dance floor and said something to me but I don't know what... Translate if you'd be so kind" she placed the phone to his ear and he repeated what he had just told Kelly, I laughed and she said "What did he say?" I was grinning at this point and I told Kelly "he said: I have drawn the conclusion that your friend over there is gay.. Would you care to introduce us? He then asked whether I was the person in question." I was waiting for a moan seeing as this person was for me and not her however she said "Excellent! Make sure he doesn't leave in the morning then I can sleep with him too. I'm a little bit jealous Kyle, he seems more fun than all Will's group of friends put together... Would you like me to bring him over?" I told her I would meet her at the bar. When I got to the bar Kelly was sat on a stool next to a muscular tanned man whilst speaking to the barman who translated it into French and told the man; hen I arrived at the bar and stood next to Kelly the barman was currently asking the man if he would sleep with Kelly in the morning, he laughed and said "Well I'm gay however in certain cases, when the female is exceptionally good looking, I can make an exception." I told Kelly what he had just said and her face lit up, she turned around and hugged the man then said "Let me buy you a drink.. Kyle translate." I did so and he asked for a beer she tutted and muttered something along the lines of I'm not buying that and instead ordered 2 martinis and a cosmopolitan. He was pleased and grateful for Kelly's more sophisticated drink choice and asked me to thank her.. I felt like an interpreter. Kelly thankfully answered her phone and began slurring something down it whilst I introduced myself. The man was called Jean and was a personal trainer in Paris, he had brown hair, bright green eyes and was wearing a white v neck t-shirt (hairless and muscular - my preference) with a scarf and jeans, he was here with a few of his clients and people from work and asked if I wished to join them, I said I would. Whilst I was walking off Kelly grabbed my arm, I turned and she groaned "Kyle! You cannot possibly leave me to go back to that boredom on my own whilst you go and share laughs with Jean and his table.. Look at how fun he is.." I turned around and Jean was stood with a crowd of girls dancing with his Martini glass in his hand he saw me and winked and then signalled for me to follow him to his table. Kelly said "Ask him if any of his friends are straight and single" I did so and he told me that more or less all of them were, she smiled and said "Looks like I shall be joining you Kyle... Let's go!" She groped Jean's bum and then danced her way across the dance floor to his table. It was completely different to the table we had just come from, all the men were muscly well dressed and groomed and were all, if not already, well on their way to becoming drunk; suddenly Kelly and myself didn't look so bad. Kelly immediately took a liking to a blonde man who was wearing an open shirt with a vest and rosary beads, he had the physique of a swimmer which simply made him even more appealing. Kelly and myself were introduced to everyone and then Kelly said "Sit next to me dear, I will be requiring your assistance" she walked over and sat down next to the blonde man and said "Bonnnjouurrr" he laughed and said "Babe, there's no need, apart from you two I'm the only English person sat at this table. I'm Liam" she replied "I'm Kelly, this is Kyle. So Liam, do you have a girlfriend?" he told her he didn't and she said "Oh you just get better and better don't you. I can't wait until later. So what brings you to Paris?" I was currently listening to their conversation and he told her that his parents are divorced, his father lives in Perpignon whilst his mother lives in Cheshire; he attended school in England and then went to London school of economics studying law and is in his final year of his course working at his father's firm in Paris. I overheard her give her very short description of herself whilst I did likewise. Jean worked in a gym called Usine 3 days a week and the rest of the time did private work for certain individuals, such as Liam.
We didn't talk for much longer before spending the rest of the night on the dance floor. Kelly was dancing with her cocktail in hand all night and spilt it all over everyone who was near her and carried on drinking it although it was empty, she didn't seem that drunk at the time. The rest of the night is a bit of a blur however I do recall going home. We phoned for a car and then went outside when it arrived. Liam got in first then Kelly crawled across the seat with her bum in the air and sat on top of Liam and resumed kissing him, then Jean got in and because I had no longing to sit in the front of the car listening to Kelly and Liam kiss whilst Jean was out of reach, I got in too. I found out in the morning that I paid the driver €20 to not complain about there being 4 people in the back and to just drive haha. Upon arriving at the hotel we all stumbled out of the car when we arrived back at the hotel and Kelly whispered at the top of her voice "Gentleman, let's try and look a little composed - this is the Ritz" despite the fact she was the most drunk, she then turned around and stumbled up the step. When we got to our rooms Kelly said "Kyle, do you have my key?" I told her I didn't and she sat on the floor outside my room and emptied her bag. Around 20 condoms came out along with makeup, her Blackberry, perfume, sunglasses, credit cards and screwed up money. She scrambled amongst the pile and then said "It appears to have been misplaced" a couple of about 30 years old then came down the corridor I instructed Kelly to get up and she merely put her sunglasses on and began putting her things back into her bag I asked "Why have you just put those on now?" and she replied "I imagine I look like a complete imbecile and I don't wish for this couple to remember me." I think the couple were also drunk (it's a bit of a haze) and as they passed Kelly she said "Good Evening" the man stopped and said "May we borrow a couple of those?" Kelly didn't acknowledge them until I said her name and she said "Oh I apologise, were you talking to me. You may take some, not borrow. I have no desire to have a used condom returned to me. Have a good evening on me" she handed the man some condoms and then we went inside. I imagine that isn't a conversation which happens on a regular basis within the Ritz, it is most probably unheard of. Once inside Kelly went running to the door which linked my room to hers, it was locked, she just turned around and said "Kyle, we're having the other bedroom dear. Goodnight."
At about 6 o'clock, when I was asleep, the bedroom door came flying open, I shot up in bed and saw Kelly pulling herself up off the floor laughing. Once she'd managed to calm herself she said "My turn with Jean now" I still felt drunk and said "Kelly we finished about 15 minutes ago dear... Leave it a while" she said "I've not been to sleep at all yet dear.. What's he like?" I told her he was amazing and pulled back the covers to show his amazing body (and the rest); she stroked him haha and then said "I was hoping he would be like that. Come at look at mine" I asked "Your what?" and she said "My man" I followed her to the other bedroom where Liam was lay passed out in bed. Kelly whipped back the covers to reveal a naked Liam, he had a rather nice body, not quite as big as Jean or myself more like a swimmer but still very attractive. He was also very well equipped. Kelly dropped her dressing gown and climbed over Liam into bed and then said "Ok well I shall sleep for a little however do ensure he doesn't leave Kyle."
I was woke up again at around midday by Jean kissing my neck and asking how I was. I rolled over to face him and felt the previous night's effects - major headache. I told him I wasn't good and he too felt the same. I got up and went to brush my teeth in order to rid my mouth of the repulsive morning-after-sex-and-alcohol taste and then went and lay down in the lounge with a bottle of water from the fridge. An hour or so later Kelly came out of her bedroom hunched over and said "I feel like death!" She went directly to the phone and ordered some room service.
Once I had eaten I no longer felt sick and due to the amount of water I had drank I no longer had a piercing headache. Kelly and Jean had gone to the bedroom so Kelly could have what she'd long awaited whilst Lee and I sat and watched the television. We got talking about Lee's personal training course which he was undergoing and I asked what physique he desired, he asked me to show him mine which I more than happily did and then asked if he could feel my muscles haha. I allowed him to do so and then he said "Ok" I looked at him blankly and said "Pardon?" he replied "We can do some stuff - not sex, but the rest we can" whether it was me stood there with no top on allowing him to feel my muscles or whether it was down to the unmistakable noise coming from the bedroom, I noticed Liam had an erection and it worked to my advantage haha.
Once we'd finished I put on my tracksuit and waited for Jean so that we could go to the gym when somebody knocked on the door. I went and answered it and Gabrielle and Lee said "Surprise!" It most certainly was and a pleasant one at that. They both came in and Gabrielle immediately looked at Liam, she said "Good afternoon, I'm Gabrielle, Kyle's sister." He introduced himself and then she said "So what are you doing this evening Liam?" He told her he may go out again and her face lit up. She then asked me where Kelly was, I told her she was in the bedroom, stupidly thinking my sister would gather the fact that she was having sex. Instead she went wondering off to the bedroom and when she opened the door said "What's that banging Kelly?" She needn't answer as it was clear what the banging was as soon as Gabrielle opened the door, she just said "Oh" and came back to the lounge. I asked what she was doing here and she told me she was bored in London and wanted something to do over the weekend so she and Lee got a jet, she then said "Oh and guess what.. Mother wouldn't book me another room as she said she was already paying €8,000 a night for yours so she expected me to stay in here with you but that wasn't the reason at all because I complained at Dad and he said it's not because of the money and she hoped it would prevent you from having so much sex haha, I could barely contain myself so I just went along with it. I am not by the way sharing a suite with you, the thought of listening to you having sex is sickening, I'm going to have Lee's and he's going to share with you he said he doesn't mind however I personally think it is a little strange, a gay male and a straight male sharing a suite together" Lee overheard our conversation and said "Gabrielle it's fine, Kyle and I have had oral sex, it's nothing we've never seen of each other before" Gabrielle looked as though she was about to vomit and then I said "Was that completely necessary?" he said "Probably not no, however that expression on her face is rather comical.. I've slept with Gabrielle too" I now looked like I was about to vomit and Gabrielle looked shocked, Lee said "Oh perhaps a step too far then yes? Kyle I would appreciate it if you didn't punch me in the face at this moment in time, however I fully understand if you choose to do so." I noticed Gabrielle's unperfect hair and the creases in Lee's t-shirt and Gabrielle's blouse and realised what it was that they'd been doing on the flight to Paris. Kelly broke the tension by coming into the room with Jean and said "Why are you all stood with ridiculous looks on your faces?" Liam filled her in and then she said "Oh did neither of you know, Kyle I thought you didn't posses Gabrielle's stupidity gene but apparently you do. They've been sleeping together since New York. Elliot has too." I said "Ok, let's stop talking about who my sister has been sleeping with because quite frankly, I was happy being in the dark. Don't get me wrong Gabrielle, I am so proud of you becoming promiscuous like myself and I do not blame you for sleeping with Elliot and Lee as they are both rather good looking, however I would rather not know dear." I spent the rest of the afternoon in the gym, Jean and Liam didn't end up coming as they had other things to do however before leaving they said "We have both of your numbers so I shall text you when I arrive at the club." They left and Gabrielle said "Jesus, you must have been drunk!"
I got back up to the suite at about 6 and went into the bathroom, where Lee was showering, to ask what the arrangements for this evening were, he told me that we were meeting up with Jean and Liam in the same club I had met them in the previous night. After telling me I went to go and take a shower myself when he said "Would you like to join me?" I said "No not really" he then said "Come on Kyle.. You know you want to, I'll return the favour..." My sex life was more important to me than having a punctual arrival at a night club so I did. It was rather beneficial actually, I was showering and satisfying my needs at the same time... Spiffing! I finally put on a Jean Paul Gaultier outfit which consisted of some platinum (or bronze/silver/ grey - I don't know really) coloured tailored pants and a black and beige fine check V neck, my new Chanel J12 Clibre watch and some boots which were rather like wellies actually, however everybody complemented my outfit and seeing as I copied it exact from the catwalk - I deemed it fashionable. As Gabrielle was also running late due to a hair extension issue I met her in the foyer so we could take a car together. She was dressed in a bronze dress which had a black organza over the top and a belt around the middle by Marc Jacobs, some black suede shoes which had a gold jewels where they covered the toe by Valentino, a gold Zagliani clutch, a Joan Hornig cuff which she wore around her bicep as opposed to her wrist and a Henry Dunay ring. Lee came from the direction of the bar dressed in a silver/grey shirt a black cardigan and black pants, all by Armani Collezioni... I had wore the exact same outfit that week.
Once inside the club Lee bought me a Dissarano and Coke while Gabrielle and I went to find Kelly and the men. It wasn't hard to locate them within the heaving club due to Kelly's outfit choice; she was wearing a bright purple Ralph Lauren Black Label dress which had a huge bow on the back with black tights and black Miu Miu shoes. When we got to the table I took a seat next to Jean who looked gorgeous in a grey knitted V neck with black pants. Kelly had her interests in someone else this evening who, thankfully, also spoke Elish and Gabrielle went directly to Liam. Lee brought mine and Gabrielle's drinks over and had 2 girls with him already, he asked if anyone would be joining him and his new found friends on the dance floor which we all did and caused minor speculation whilst there. Gabrielle very audibly shouted to Kelly "What on earth are those girls wearing... There is promiscuous and then there is slut, the latter is achieved by the hideous dress sense and personality the girl possess' " I think she thought they were fFrenchrench but apparently they weren't, they heard every word of what Gabrielle bellowed and said "Snotty bitch" before walking off, Gabrielle said "Imbecile, I do not have mucus! Sorry Lee" he shrugged and said "They weren't that attractive anyway, besides there is a girl at the bar who has been staring at me for a while. Do excuse me.." Following this, about 10 minutes later, Gabrielle and Kelly were getting groped from behind by an ugly man and hit his hands away on numerous occasions which he chose to ignore. Gabrielle then purposely stamped on his toe with her heel, it wasn't until the man began shouting at her in French english that I noticed, at which point Kelly was pointing in his face and saying "How dare you speak to her like that!" The man who Kelly had been dancing with was now staring at the man as was Liam so I went over. When I got there Kelly was taking of her shoe (as they do - it works as a weapon) Liam was saying "Just walk away" the man replied (I think he was on drugs) "Oh here's another one... What's wrong with a bit of dancing with these two girls?" The man whom Kelly had been dancing with butted in and said "That was groping, not dancing" he said "This is groping" and touched both of their boobs at the same time - I clenched my fist and brought back my arm in preparation to punch him however Gabrielle's fist went flying across his nose before I could do so followed my Kelly's heel across his head. People were now staring and the man's nose began to bleed, he shouted "You bitch" and pushed Gabrielle who Jean caught, more or less as soon as he did so I dived in head first and head butted him on the nose, he went stumbling backwards, stood back upright and then came running back at me. I thought what on earth are you doing you are clearly going to loose this I ducked as he swung his arm to hit me and went running into my tense body and, as a result, flying onto the floor. I straddled him and pushed his face side wards onto the floor with my fist and said "Are you going to stop this?" He told me to get off him so I pushed a little harder and said "Answer my question..." he said "Ok, get off!" I did so and he stood up and said "Twat!" I wanted to hit him again but Gabrielle's foot came flying up and kicked him directly in the face. I looked at her and she was stood on one leg with the other outstretched in front of her (knee bent - ready to kick again) level with the man's face, she said "How dare you speak to my brother like that!" It seems that ballet isn't just useful for dancing and showing off haha.
The club's security came over and made us all leave the club. The man's face was bloody, one side of his face was dirty and he had a red patch on his cheek where Gabrielle's heel had made it's impact. The manager saw us in the club's entrance and said (in english) "I want you all out, now!" Kelly walked over and said "My friend you have just lost an awful lot of business. Each of us posses' one of these and would be prepared to spend rather large sums on each visit" she showed him her black American express and he no longer looked angry, she continued "yes, that expression says it all. If you ran a respectable establishment perhaps you would be used to seeing such things as these, however granting entrance to such scum" she looked at the man "and to those dressed without even a miniscule amount of respect for themselves is enough to repel anyone who has any class what so ever. So, you needn't ask me to leave as, having class, I have no desire to be in such a hideous venue any longer and nor shall I, or any of my upper-class companions, be returning or some cases, coming at all."
When we got outside Gabrielle and Kelly hugged me and said "Thank you dear" then Kelly said "If you don't feel like staying out we can go back to the hotel and I can show my gratitude there.." I told her I was fine and would rather just go elsewhere. We phoned The Ritz and got cars to V.I.P room, an exclusive night club which would not have such horrible clientele such as those who'd been in Rex, where we had just come from... Only good looking, well dressed people with money get into places like that. The atmosphere was better as soon as we got into the club and due to us using our contacts, went straight in and took seats around a circular table in the centre of the room. Gabrielle and I got drinks for everyone and as soon as I had drunk mine I could feel it going straight to my head. I was clearly still somewhat intoxicated from the previous night and I was once again, on my way to becoming drunk... Judging by Kelly's hyperactivity she had already reached drunk.
An hour or so later we were all drunk, Gabrielle and Liam looked as though they wanted to have sex that very second, Kelly was being awfully loud and entertaining the whole table, I was talking to Jean (who was impressed by my performance with the man in Rex) and although I hadn't seen Lee for the past hour, he was the only one of us who didn't have somebody sat around the table, I presumed he was drunk too. When he finally came to our table it seemed my presumption was correct; he tripped up the step onto the table he said "Oh blimey.. Well ladies and gentleman, I shall be leaving now as I have 2 eager ladies who I simply must spend the night with. Kyle, who will you be taking home?" I told him Jean and he said "Oh marvellous, that's all I need. Two enormous muscle men going at it all night long, it seems I shan't be sleeping tonight.." I said "Well you have two ladies to keep you going Lee, I'm sure you will be fine, however do feel free to join us" I winked at him and he laughed. The rest of us decided we'd have one last drink and dance before leaving, Liam bought us all drinks and we headed to the dance floor. The last dance turned into an hour session on the dance floor, the drinks seemed to take immediate effect and we had a miniature dance-off within the group - it came down to Gabrielle and Jean and Gabrielle inevitably won.
When we got back to the hotel there was nobody in the Lobby what so ever except for staff - Gabrielle went over to the reception desk and asked if they had any condoms in their first aid box, the lady behind the desk held back her desire to burst out laughing and said "I am sorry but unfortunately we do not have those in our first aid box, I do believe that if you ask the concierge he will provide you with some." I told her I had plenty and we all piled into the lift. When I got into the room I went and told Lee I was back - I wanted to see what the girls were like really, however only one was visible, the one who he was kissing and groping... The other was beneath the covers. I went into my bedroom to find Jean sprawled out in the bed in his tight fitting underwear - I shall stop now, this is beginning to sound a little pornographic. To cut a long story short I had another amazing night with Jean and plus an amazing morning. Gabrielle phoned me at 9, just 4 hours after I'd gone to sleep, and sounded rather rough when she told me that she had a jet booked for 2 p.m., I told her I would go home today however would be driving due to having Kelly's car here with me. So whilst Jean went to the gym in the hotel I packed up my many belongings. I had been posting things home whilst I had been here for a while now so it only took me about an hour and a half to get everything together. I put on a pair of Rock & Republic jeans with a black Michael Kors cashmere shawl collar jumper, some patent black high top YSL trainers, my black diamond encrusted Chanel J12 watch and some vintage mirrored aviators.
I managed to get 3 holdalls into the boot of Kelly's car and placed 2 cases on Jean whilst I drove him to his work. I wrote him down in my little black book - Paris before I forgot and began the gruelling drive back to London. I ended up driving to Calais which took about 3 hours. Then I drove the car into the train thing and waited inside it whilst passing people admired the car and a huge group of school children crowded around it on their way to and from the powder room. Once that endurance was over with I then took the 2 hour journey into London. When I got into London I went and filled Kelly's car back up with petrol and then took it to her house where I would reclaim my Audi, however Kelly's parents had already dropped it off at my hotel whilst we were away so I waited in Kelly's house for my mum to come and collect me. I went back to their house for a while and fell to sleep in the drawing room and then Jake (their chef) made us all a Sunday dinner which I ate before going home.
I haven't done much since being back in London. On the Tuesday after my return home my mother made me go to the doctors for HIV and Sti tests. I did so without fuss and whilst I sat in the waiting room Gabrielle walked in also. I started laughing and she sat down in a mood and said "She made me come for one too!" I had Hepatitis B and C, HIV, Gonorrhoea, Chlamydia and Syphilis. I hate them, they always seem awkward, the lady was fairly old and asked "Do you have oral sex?" Yes "Do you have anal sex?" Yes "So you sleep with men" Yes "Do you sleep with women also?" Yes, I didn't see how that one was relevant really then she said "Are you in a relationship?" No "Have you been in one over the past year?" No "How many sexual partners have you had over the past 6 months?" This was the bit I despised, I said "About 5 a week" she continued "For the past 6 months?" Yes.. She asked a few others and then did the tests. I was told I would be able to get the results within 24 hours (the benefits of private healthcare) which I did and was negative for them all, as was Gabrielle.
Also on Friday I went out for a meal with Brian Friedman and Gabrielle. Brian is a choreographer from America however is in London due to being the creative director of X-Factor. Gabrielle knows him from her dancing days and went and spent the day with him in The Pineapple dance studios dancing. I drove down there at about 3 in the afternoon and watched them doing lifts and spinning on one toe etc. They weren't dancing ballet (which Gabrielle does best) they were doing Jazz dances however Gabrielle still excelled in this field. We dined out in the evening at The Ivy and caught up, I hadn't seen Brian for years so it was nice to see him. Ever since Gabrielle has been prancing around the house and seems to constantly have a leg in the air or be spinning around haha.
This weekend just gone my parents went to Monaco to see 'The Greens' I have no idea why they call them that, however they were referring to Phillip and Christina Green whom some of the UK's largest retailers including Topshop. Whilst my father played tennis with Phillip and the Prince of Monaco and my mother shopped with Tina Gabrielle and I hosted a miniature party at our parents home. It was rather fun and we strategically sent bottles of Cristal to the neighbours apologising for the noise in the hope that they wouldn't tell our parents haha.
Yet again I have managed to produce a short story haha.
Much love,
Kyle.
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