10 November 2009

Fashion weeks...

Hello there,

Well one sincerly hopes you have set a lot of time aside to read this post... I have attended four fashion weeks, hence, there is a considerable amount to write about. I left London on the evening of 9th September via private jet along with Kelly, Kayleigh, Chloe, Sylvie, David, an extremely pregnant Ellie, her fiancé Sam, two dogs and over 50 pieces of luggage. If course this isn't all we were taking; the majority had been sent via post prior to our flight. It goes without saying that I had indulged in countless suits amongst other garments in aid of the trip.

The nine hour flight was filled with excitement (me being the exception, sat strapped in, clutching the seat for dear life.) When we landed at JFK Kayleigh, Kelly and I got into one of the several Suv's which were waiting to collect us and left the luaggage for the baggage handlers to load into the remaining cars. Chloe, Sylvie and David meanwhile went to get a helicopter to the city. It was the morning of the 10th now, the day on which fashion week commenced and also the day of fashion's night out. Gabrielle was already in New York as were many of our other friends so as soon as our phones were turned on they went off repetitively for five minutes... I personally had 37 messages haha. We discussed what we would do that evening and accepted our invitations to parties and nights clubbing. Kayleigh then said "What the hell am I going to do with my hair? Getting a hair appointment at all this week is going to be such a challenge" I replied "Do tell me you're joking! Have you forgotten who your parents are?! Besides, my mother has flown two from London to work with their companies here in New York yet make her their main priority so if all else fails then just go to their townhouse."

When we finally arrived in Manhattan the chauffeur took Kelly to The Four Seasons and then Kayleigh and I to The Plaza. The hotel where I own a residence and which is now managed by Fairmont; the chain which Kayleigh's father's company owns. Hence, my payments have significantly reduced and my status has gone beyond v.i.p. haha. We got out of the car and we greeted as "Mr McQuillan" and "Miss Barrack" before proceeding straight upstairs to freshen up. Once in my apartment, as always, I was shocked by the mess Gabrielle had created. Each time I return it is worse than the previous. On this occasion there were rollers all over the floor, dresses hanging from every single door, draping over every surface and a gargantuan makeup case along with a hairdryer and other pieces of paraphernalia were covering the dining table. Someone knocked on the door and due to me now being in a quite fowl mood I flung it open and said "Gabrielle what-" It was Elliot, I said "Oh" and continued on my rant "look at the state of my apartment!" he told me to shut up to which I replied "Pardon?" he repeated it and then began to kiss me I said "Oh ok then..." and stumbled to the bedroom. I had no sense of time however a while later, Elliot and I were on top of the bed linen, doing what you imagine we were doing when a deafening scream almost perforated my ear drum and caused both Elliot and I to jump out of our skin. I looked up to see Gabrielle standing in the doorway. I immediately rolled over so Elliot was on top of me thus to keep ones anatomy from the view of my younger sister. She stood there with her hands over her eyes still screaming, turned, walked into the door frame then stumbled out. I couldn't help but laugh and then questioned "Why is she such an imbecile?" However, me being me, I wasn't going to allow for such an insignificant glitch to put a stop to my sex life and so we continued.

Mid-afternoon, when we had finished, I went into my guest bedroom which Gabrielle had now made her own and bellowed "Hey Gabby!" Only to find that she was asleep and I had just woken her. Mistake. Huge mistake. Her eyes shot open and she screamed "What?! What could be so important that you that it is necessary to wake me?!" I sat on the bed and replied "I just wanted to see my lovely, lovely sister... Oh and Mum wants us to go to the town house in an hour" she just shouted "Well it isn't mutual. Get out!" I didn't and so I received a rather painful kick on the back of my head. I just turned and looked at her, evidently regretting what she'd just done, stood and whipped the covers off her to reveal her wearing her pyamas, then picked her up and put her over my shoulder and walked with her. Of course she was screaming her head off and hitting and kicking me and saying "Put me down you ugly brute! KYLE!" I didn't and instead walking with the screaming child to the door whilst she pulled my hair and punched me, took her through the living room, through the foyer and put her in the hallway outside my apartment and closed the door. I listened to her bang, scream and hurl insults for about five minutes until she finally gave up and went somewhere. Elliot was complaining at me telling me I was horrible however he picked up on my bad mood and stopped immediately. Wise. I turned to him and began kissing him and then, well there went my afternoon. After having slept with Elliot for the second time I located my phone to read all the messages and view my missed calls. I read a message from Gabrielle saying I HATE YOU! one from my father saying Kyle, what you did to your sister is disgraceful. Ring me. I am not impressed! Makes a change haha, then of course, Kyle isn't the devil child without a message from Mother too: What on earth is wrong with you young man?! Throwing your sister out of your apartment wearing nothing other than her pyjamas leaving her with no other option other than to get a car across New York to our house. It is preposterous! You've been in New York a matter of hours and you're already causing havoc! I want you to go round to the townhouse at some point today and apologise to Gabrielle. I replied I'm not apologising, she brought it on herself. I am oblivious as to why she has to run and tell you. If she wasn't such an imbecile she would have thought to ask for another room in the Plaza, however, unfortunately for her, she has a complete lack of brain cells and therefore didn't. There was a split second until I recieved yet another message saying Do not speak about your sister like that. Your father is on his way back from the office and is coming to get you. I do not have time to deal with this. At the same time as I said "Oh for crying out loud" the phone rang and reception told me my father had just arrived and was making his way upstairs. Marvellous. As I was still naked I put on a tracksuit and placed the large box of condoms in a drawer and opened the door. My father stormed in still wearing his suit from work and said "You're coming with me Kyle" I huffed and said "You are actually a joke" he said "Oh really, and why is that?" I replied "You are making out as though I have chopped off her limbs and posted them to her friends or something" where that came from I will never know haha "all I did was throw her out of my apartment" he said "Kyle, you woke her from a sleep, carried her kicking and screaming, put her outside and ignored her while she repetitively banged and asked for you to allow her back in. She phoned me from a car crying about what you had done. Not only that but I pay for this apartment so she is more than welcome to stay here. Now get what ever you need we are leaving!" While I located my ipod so that I could go for a run post world war three at my parents house I said "Well let us all just come to the mutual agreement that I am completely in the wrong here, as usual, and Gabrielle is faultless because of course she can do no wrong can she!!" I stormed past him and made my way to the elevator and heard him close the door and follow me. I was in a mood and hence, impatient so I went down the countless flights of stairs and didn't bother waiting for my father and got into a car and made my way to Carnegie Hill. Elliot messaged me saying erm.. Goodbye then haha I had forgotten about him. Once at my parent's townhouse I got out of the car, slamming the door behind me, and hammered on the door of their house.

The housekeeper answered with a friendly smile however I merely walked past her and followed the thuds which were coming through the floor to the lower basement. When I got down to the space which had been solely devoted to Gabrielle's dancing she was in the middle of dancing to Lady Gaga. I walked in and turned off the music when she turned and bellowed "What the hell are you doing?! Get out!" I didn't and instead retaliated with more shouting until we were stood there screaming at one another. My father walked in, now also in a mood (probably due to me leaving him at The Plaza, unaware of my whereabouts) when Gabrielle shouted "JUST GET OUT! I have no longing to speak to you!" I just did so before I punched her and said "Move" to my father and then Gabrielle turned the music back on and my father also stormed out. He called my name and I bellowed "What?!" however he said "Oh I simply cannot be bothered with this" and I got Maddox and left. After a ten mile run around the park I returned to The Plaza to begin getting ready for our night out. Exactly what I needed when in the mood I was in. Along with channelling my anger into my running I would soon be back to normal. I showered and put on a t-shirt from Burberry Prorsum and a cardigan from form along with shiny black jeans from YSL and some John Varvatos boots. Someone knocked on my door just as I was doing my hair and then opened it themselves, Kayleigh walked in with her hair in rollers and a lady following her with a suitcase and said "Don't mind me dear. My mother is driving me insane, she's going out with your mother this evening. Apparently this fashion's night out has caused havoc at Conde Nast today and you and Gabrielle have caused havoc so they are both in need of a few bottles of Champagne... Nothing out of the ordinary. I have taken this from her though" she held up a black and white dress and said "I had it taken in, and up, this afternoon... It's from Balenciaga." She sat whilst the lady I presumed to be a hair and makeup girl removed the rollers from her hair. Once done, Kayleigh slipped into her dress, stood in the mirror and said "My hair doesn't look right with the dress" the girl forced a smile and I asked "How long has your hair been in those rollers for?" she replied "Well the majority of the day, I know I'm awkward but it just doesn't look right. I look like a footballer's wife or something horrendous like that. I think I want it up." I was done in a mere ten minutes however Kayleigh was in the midst of having her hair pinned in various directions so I text Elliot, Lee and a couple of other people from New York. Within minutes I had replies from 8 people saying they would come round for pre-party drinks so I phoned room service and ordered champagne.

Within about five minutes there was a steady flow of people entering my apartment: James, Chase, Kris Kranz, Tyler McPeak, James, Danny Schwarz, Bradley and of course Elliot and Lee. When the butler handed Tyler a glass of champagne he said "Oh fucking hell Kyle. Why do you have to be so classy. I always feel like I can't sit down on the sofa when I'm in your apartment and now I'll feel low class if I ask for something like a beer haha" I replied "Have what ever you please and by all means be seated. I can assure you that plenty worse things have occurred on that couch in comparison to the way in which you chose to sit. Just this afternoon in fact" he replied "Oh.. Well I'll stand and can I have a Martini or something - I'll let my hair down while I'm playing rich kid" haha. Bradley asked whether Gabrielle would be joining us and Chase echoed his question I merely replied "I have no idea. I'm not speaking to her" Chase laughed and said "Ohhhh the siblings are at it again. She's hot though Kyle, find out if she's coming out... Those legs!" Bradley retorted "No.. Her boobs are out of this world!" I was horrified and said "I may not be speaking to her however I have no longing to hear you talk about her in such repulsive manners if you would be so kind" they laughed and said "Well Kyle, she's perfect. Even if she stayed in my line of vision my night would be amazing. Please, for a friend! I'll ensure you find someone to sleep with" Kris said "Do you not know who this man is? As if he has trouble doing so himself haha"

After waiting for Kayleigh's hair to be finished and once the room was fumigated with hairspray we were ready to leave. It was now about half past ten and the majority of people had been out since 8 o'clock, attending events in order to publicise 'Fashion's night out.' The rest of the males and I went downstairs to The Champagne Bar where a couple of other friends were waiting: Charles and Phillip whilst Kayleigh went and met some friends at Victoria Secret. From New York's Upper East Side Charles and Phillip had a similar upbringing to I, however haven't rebelled as much, or at all in fact. I have known them for quite some time and they have both attended Harvard University before returning to New York. I introduced them to those who didn't know them and said "Are you well prepared for this night gentlemen? In the past you have stated that I am a bad influence, however, in comparison to these models, I am a saint" Phillip (Phil) replied "Well that's slightly worrying. I will probably wake in some strangers bed having no recollection of who they are or the previous night if I follow your influence Kyle" well, what could I say? haha. We sat and drank various beverages for a short while when Elliot said "Kyle, your Dad's just walked in with his friends haha" I said "Oh greaatttttt" and felt an arm wrap around me. He asked how I was however I didn't look at him and just told him I was fine, I then realised he was intoxicated when he said "You're not still in a mood about this afternoon are you?" I said "I'm not in a mood about it no. I am however in a mood with you about it still." Then, like the sheer annoyance that he is, he hugged me and said "But my baby boy!" How highly embarrassing. I could see my social life disappearing before my eyes haha. Elliot got off that phone at that point and said "We're going to meet a few people at Bugalow 8" I shouted to the bartender "Two shots of the most of expensive tequila for each of us... He'll pay" I notioned towards my father and he said "No I will not. He will" I said "Ok then, I shall" and withdrew my father's card from my wallet he glared at me and said "You are such a little swine young man. Put it away, I will pay for it later. Now leave me alone, you are cramping my style whilst I'm with the Wall Street Crowd. Be careful tonight and Kyle... Be safe" he winked at me and I died on the spot haha. How disgusting, cringe-worthy and embarrassing! We all drank what tasted like some form of toxic waste and took chauffeurs to Bugalow 8. I was extremely drunk by the time we arrived there and the night just becomes one increasing blur. I have no idea what I did thus I cannot share it with you haha. I woke in the morning lying half in half out of my apartment with the door wide open and the key in my hand still. I was fully clothed and my head had trippled in weight. I stood up and entered my apartment, closing the door behind me and looked on my phone. I had something absurd like 27 messages. One was a picture of me stood on top of a table dancing in a nightclub I don't even remember going to, another was similar only I was pulling up my t-shirt for some reason and could see three sets of hands, one on my crotch and two on my stomach, another picture was of me stood with a man against a wall kissing, another was of me topless whilst standing beside two men I didn't know, each of us groping one another's pectoral muscles and then another of me on my own kissing my bicep followed by about 9 messages with the attached picture of me lying in the doorway where I woke that morning with the taglines: Absolutely amazing night. ,Kyle you fucking legend!, I had an absolute ball last night!, The best night in a long time.. Absolutely hilarious! , Why am I not surprised to see this is how you ended your night, you were positively smashed my friend! Amongst others. I passed a mirror and realised my t-shirt was now on backwards (what on earth?!) and entered the bedroom to see Kelly lying there. I woke her and she burst out laughing when she saw me and I asked "Do enlighten me... What the hell did I do last night?" I waited whilst she stopped laughing and said "I don't know why you were so drunk. It was hillarious. You were dancing on tables and all sorts of things" I told her of the pictures and again she burst out laughing. I queried about the picture of me shirtless with the two other topless men and she said "Well we were on our way back here and we passed them and you informed them of how divine their physiques were and then removed your t-shirt and said 'get in a picture gentlemen, let's give these ladies a happy ending to their nights!' and they did, surprisingly" I then asked about the man I am kissing in a picture and she said "he was out with Gabrielle, he was incredibly good looking but when we got here you just collapsed in the door and he said he was only staying so he could sleep with you and you weren't in any state so he left and then I attempted to move you and couldn't so I took a picture and sent it to Elliot requesting help and he replied.." she got out her phone and showed me a message which said Hahahha do be serious... I'm just walking into my hotel with a throbbing man, I'm not abandoning him to move that over-intoxicated corpse. Just leave him there, that picture is highly amusing nevertheless! Becoming a recluse seemed a good option at that moment in time. We moved to the sitting room and sat talking whilst the incessant buzz of my blackberry increased the pain in my pulsing head.

I didn't even realise I had fallen asleep however I woke up, still in the sitting room feeling nothing other than a little dehydrated. I had a drink of water and decided it was probably time I had a shower and changed out of the clothes I wore the night before. When I freshened up I read the messages I had recieved during my nap. Gabrielle had said Why are you such an ostentatious drunken idiot? I replied saying That is a question I cannot answer... I just do not know. A little while later I went to my parent's house in Carnegie Hill to get Maddox and take him for a walk around the park, the duration of which I spent on the phone to Elliot having him enlighten me even more so on what I had done the previous night and how I resulted in being so drunk. He claimed "You just simply did not stop drinking and before I knew it you were out of control on the table top." When I returned to my parent's house my father had just returned from work and said "Oh good afternoon Kyle. Did you have a good night last night?" I had no idea but merely said "Yes I did thank you, how was yours?" he told me "Oh it was excellent thank you. Your mother was not impressed when I arrived home at half past 3 and then went ballistic when Gabrielle returned and phoned our bedroom asking what she could feasibly eat" Gabrielle entered wearing a pair of tights and a goat fur peacoat with a pair of (shock) flat Lanvin shoes carrying a Gucci holdall. She looked flustered and removed her coat to reveal her wearing nothing other than a black leotard which was semi-seethrough at the top I said "Oh.. Not quite what I was expecting you to be wearing under there" she replied "Well I'm attempting to compensate for looking like death by wearing fur dear... My feet are in absolute agony! Dad will you massage them for me" he rolled his eyes and said "Come here then princess" he asked "What is the pain due to darling? Dancing?" she replied "No, wearing flat shoes! They are so painful. I can cope during dancing because I am rising et cetra but just walking in them is unbearable." As she lifted her leg onto my father's lap I said "Oh Gabrielle.. Your feet are foul! Please go for a pedicure or something!" she said "Yes Kyle I know, you say this every time" they were truly disgusting, there was few scars, a scab at this moment in time and a nail missing. My mother entered wearing a black top and pants along with a rabbit fur snood and elbow length leather gloves she shouted "Harold" and then entered the room and began talking about things which meant nothing to Gabrielle nor I who were on our phones. When they had finished talking my mother said "Oh, we're going out for a business dinner at 8 with a few clients... Gabrielle please book a pedicure oh and while I remember, please do not ring us whilst we're asleep to ask what you can eat. Some of us do work rather than lie in until they desire and then attend a fashion show or two." I placed my head on her lap and requested that she played with my hair, she did so. Gabrielle then said "Oh Dad, look at this!" and withdrew her phone. I feared the worst and yes, he erupted into a fit of laughter as she scrolled through the images for his viewing, my mother asked what was so funny and so she passed her the phone. She didn't find it quite as amusing and said "Oh Kyle honestly, if you are going to get into such a state then I suggest you do not drink at all. Harold it isn't amusing, we ought not to encourage such behaviour" I quickly jutted "he bought me two shots when I was already drunk which contributed" before I knew it his hand was squeezing my face and he was saying "Why you little swine" I was laughing yet not enjoying it and my mother gave him a quick slap on the back of his head and said "I feel like I'm the mother of three at times. You have a lot to answer for with regards to our son Harold McQuillan. Kyle, such acts are disgraceful and shameful, please be cautious with your drinking in future." After a short while I said "Mum..." she said "Yes Kyle" while my father said "This is going to be a request for something expensive I can tell" I continued "Can I have item of fur please?" she said "I suppose so, Gabrielle's had a couple of pieces this year" my father said "He's barely worn that one we spent thirty thousand dollars on last year!" I said "Oh I forgot about that. I don't know where it is..." My father said "What?" I replied "Well I just don't know which house. I have a feeling it could be in Beverly Hills or Aspen because I took it with us when we went away for Christmas." I received a message at that point from an unknown number saying Why don't we continue from where we were last night (before you collapsed in your doorway)? I replied saying Oh, so now you want me, yet it seems when I am lying drunk on the floor you cannot do so much as aid my friend in at least getting me into the apartment he replied rather quickly saying Ah, about that haha. Well we were all over one another in the car home and I was dying for sex, you of all people know! ... I'll make it up to you I told him to come now and then got up from resting my head on my mother's lap and said "I am leaving. Gabrielle what are you doing tonight? Shall we go for something to eat?" I told her to arrange a reservation and inform me. My father said "Where, may I ask, are you going?" I said "To pick up from where I left off last night" my mother said "I beg your pardon? Drinking?!" I smirked and said "It is probably best that you go with that assumption mother yes" I think at that point she realised what I was reffering to and as I left I heard "Oh that boy is repulsive" along with "he has issues Harold. I am telling you" from my mother and Gabrielle who was oblivious as always asking "What's he gone to pick up?" When I arrived at The Plaza he was sitting in the foyer and approached me saying "I have just requested your room number and they told me a Kyle McQuillan doesn't live here" I laughed and said "Yes of course. If I was under that name then there would be a flow of people coming to my apartment when they crave good intercourse. If you wish to acquire my room number then you will have to provide them with my other name" once in my apartment he said "I'm Jason by the way-" I shot "Don't bore me with your life history, it's irrelevant to the task in hand" and began kissing him...

Once I had ensured Jason's actions the previous night had been compensated for I evicted him from my apartment and replied to my invitations for a night out saying I think I am going to stay in tonight I'm afraid. I more than excelled myself last night. Gabrielle and I are going to Aureole so there is a possibility we shall do something afterwards. I changed and Gabrielle telephoned to say she was on her way in the car. I found my wallet and phone and went to meet her. I got into the back of the car and felt incredibly underdressed, wearing pants and shirt from Tom Ford I looked like a peasant next to my sister who was wearing a silver Emanuel Ungaro puffball skirt with a see-through lace top with a black bra along with another piece of fur from Karl Donoghue this time being a rabbit wrap, a chanel handbag and a pair of Thakoon shoes which were a mosaic of cracked pieces of mirror.. Comfortable. We had a lovely time at the meal and stayed rather late (drinking water on my part.) We talked about plans for the week in addition to her boyfriend, Oscar, who was arriving that evening in New York for work, dancing... After dining we got into the car and dropped Gabrielle at Oscar's apartment, I then scrolled through my phone book for someone to spend the night with. I decided on an old friend who used to be part of our group in London before moving to New York to open a gym. His name was Joshua and was a dark haired, blue eyed, olive skinned beauty. I sent him a message saying Hello there, are you free? he replied saying I'm having a night in with my boyfriend (please don't be too appalled) haha. Why do you ask? Require my services in satisfying your needs my friend? I replied saying Were you under the illusion that I was nice and just texting you to be friendly? Of course I require your services haha. My bed has been absent of your chizzled body for quite some time Joshy. Let's be honest, your boyfriend isn't going to be a patch on me now is he so I suggest you make an excuse and I shall come and collect you. I'm in the car now. It wasn't long until I got another reply saying You really don't have a heart do you haha. Nothing but good looks, muscle, sex drive and ego. Attractive qualities I must say, appealing too. Ok, I will. You're such a bastard, not to mention a bad influence! I wasn't waiting long outside of his apartment building when he entered wearing a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a cardigan, revealing his muscled torso; my body temperature increased at that very second. He said "Why hello there. You haven't changed a single bit, only more muscle. Still arousing me upon seeing you haha. Jesus Christ.." I laughed and said "You have certainly changed! A boyfriend. What on earth?! You ought to spend more time with me in order to eradicate such idiotic behaviour" he said "Well if you got in touch more often then perhaps I would spend time with you. I sent you a message about three months ago and you never replied" I leant over and said something, bit my lip and groped his ever growing crotch. He grabbed my head and pulled me in to kiss me. I was now straddling him and he was positively erect. I didn't even realise we had stopped until the driver opened his door and stood beside ours ready to open it. I straightened myself up, attempted to smooth my hair and de-mounted him he looked at me and said "Kyle... I cannot get out of this car!" I looked down at his loose fitting tracksuit bottoms and yes, it was like a pole in a tent. I laughed and the driver opened the door. As I made my way up the steps I could hear Josh's footsteps coming behind me and he wrapped his enourmous arms around my upper body, kissed my neck and said "I'll just have to take you from behind to hide it" I laughed and said "If you insist" once in the lift we resumed our kissing when an elderly couple got in, I quickly turned around and Josh positioned me to hide his throbbing anatomy whilst I said "Good Evening" to the couple. The lady asked "Are you two here modelling in fashion week?" I said "Oh no. I'm merely here to watch the shows and attend the social gatherings - is it fashion week which brings you to the city?" we had a short conversation before they got out of the lift a few floors prior to us and wished them a "Good night." Josh and I resumed. I was half undressed by the time we got to my floor and as soon as we were in my apartment we were slamming into walls and doors, stopping for some pleasure before moving on. I think we had sex in every room that night... The following morning I was exhausted however received a sudden surge of energy when I woke to Josh kissing me and we commenced once more. I couldn't keep my hands off his back, it was utterly divine! When the time came for him to leave I stood in the doorway and kissed him and he walked a short distance, turned around, grabbed and kissed me again and then said "I'm just going to have to go otherwise I never will" I kissed him again and said "You don't have to" and he kicked the door shut. I was already breathing heavily as we kissed and groped one another so it didn't take long until I was being thrown on to the chaise longue with Josh on top of me. I immediately pushed him off onto the floor and said "Not on my white Versace furniture please" and continued.

That night I joined Kelly, Kayleigh and Elliot at 60 Thompson's bar - Thom Bar and remained there until I could no longer prevent my eyes from closing at around 2 am. The following day, Sunday, Gabrielle went to the Donna Karan show along with a couple of other friends whilst the rest of us had a little respite before beginning preparation for Marc Jacobs' events. Not all had acquired tickets, Gabrielle and I had due to her working with him on her work placement however, regardless of whether they were going to the show or not, the majority were attending his afterparty. Gabrielle arrived at my apartment at around 4 pm and charged straight to the guest room without a word, dropping all of her belongings on the way. Whilst I was in my bedroom picking suitable garments from the ten suitcases which were scattered around my room in addition to my wardrobe someone knocked on the door. I opened it and as I expected, in came two girls with suitcases. I told them to go and take a seat in the dining room and wait for Gabrielle who would be out shortly. Fifteen minutes later she stormed into my bedroom in her knickers and bra with wet hair and said "Where on earth are my wretched hair and makeup girls?! This is absurd" I said "Gabrielle they've been sat in the dining room for the past quarter of an hour" she shot back "Oh Jesus Christ Kyle, would it have been such a difficultly for you to inform me of such things. You're so incompetent!" I could have guessed it would be my fault somehow. I decided on an outfit and went to the gym whilst my apartment turned into Gabrielle's preparation suite. I did however take a little longer than anticipated thus it was I who was then running through my apartment to the shower haha. When I was dry I came out of my room wearing only my underwear and asked whether the hairdresser would cut and style my hair, Gabrielle of course began moaning and said "Oh Kyle! She's here assisting me. Stop being such a lady and do it yourself" I told her to be quiet and sat down, just as I did so someone else knocked on the door and I went and answered it... Mother. She came in as I went and took my seat back in the dining room and she said "Why, may I ask are you both sat in your underwear? Do you have no social decency what so ever. May I just apologise on their behalf as I imagine they have not done so" I said "Is there a purpose to your visit or are you just here to moan?" she smiled at me and said "Ever so polite as always. I am sorry but it seems you always give me reason to do so. Moving on, I too am going to the show with Kayleigh's mother, I'm meeting her in the champagne bar downstairs shortly and then I think we shall see you there" it was at that moment that I realised that her hair and makeup had been done to a flawless standard and she was wearing a grey long sleeved dress with a clutch from Louis Vuitton and a pair of shoes which I also believed to be from Louis Vuitton along with her wedding ring which is hardly ever worn due to the sheer size of it. We talked for a while and then she went and took a business call and I went to change. I wore a pair of Grey pants and a cardigan from Marc Jacobs along with a shirt and shoes from YSL. I put on a Dior watch and a Louis Vuitton ring and went into the sitting area where Gabrielle was changing in front of everyone. She put on a pair of grey trousers which had a pleated skirt attached to the back along with a shoulder padded blazer from Balmain. She stood in the mirror for a moment and my mother said "Aren't you going to put a blouse on dear?" she replied "No mother I am not. I will feel completely unnattractive... This just looks positively abysmal" she walked out of the room and returned a couple of seconds later removing her blazer once more. She turned her back to me, removed her bra and said "Mum... Can you please tape my breasts" ... normal. After a couple of minutes or so they were done and Gabrielle jumped on the spot to test them and then said "Oh spiffing work mother." She put her blazer back on and was happy with how she now looked with her somewhat phenomenal cleavage haha. My mother left and prior to doing so Gabrielle shouted "I am sitting between you and Kayleigh's mum" I looked at her and asked why and she said "That way I can inform Kayleigh's mother of what I want and she can acquire it through Vogue whilst our mother can pay her. Now come and help me find shoes and jewellery." After another ten minutes we decided on a brand new pair of David Wyatt shoes, her Harry Winston ring and the $120,000 Himalayan Hermes bag which I purchased as a gift for her twenty-first birthday. Finally ready we both left and met Kayleigh downstairs and took a car to the show.

The show was amazing as expected and I could hear Gabrielle whispering throughout. At the after party Gabrielle and I passed Marc and he asked whether we enjoyed the show Gabrielle said "It was absolutely amazing. Although, I only enjoyed it from the ankle up..." he laughed and said "Yes, no heels this year Gabrielle" she said "Well as lovely as they were, flats hurt my feet" he joked about this for a while and then said "well I see you're not wearing my shoes today anyway" she smiled and said "I'm a fan of your designs marc. I'm not an obsessed groupie" he laughed and said "Good answer, good answer... Have a nice night!" And that we most certainly did!

The following day Gabrielle attended Vera Wang, Temperley and Willow with my mother before having yet another amazing night out in the city. This time we spent the majority of our night in 49 grove before going to a friend's townhouse for a rather large gathering of beautiful people. I left with Lloyd that night and slept for a couple of hours before Gabrielle waking me up slamming doors. I asked the man to leave, denied him the privilege of getting my mobile number and I went to see Gabrielle. When I entered the drawing room she was sat furiously flicking her way through Vogue. I audibly exhaled and said "What's wrong?" she slammed the magazine shut and shouted "Our mother has gone to Oscar De La Renta without me!" I just said "Oh" for which I received "OH?! That is one of the best shows in New York Kyle and she has gone without me!" her phone rang and she shouted "What?!" I listened whilst she bellowed down the phone to who I presumed to be my father and then her tone completely changed to little miss sweet and innocent and she said "Ok, I will. Thank you, I love you" I asked who it was and she said "Dad.. He told me to go shopping and treat myself to compensate for my bad mood... Come with me if you like." Now I was in a mood. If that was me who was throwing a ludicrous tantrum at my father I would have been told to grow up and stop being so immature and that they have other things to worry about besides me and my childlike behaviour, but of course, this was Gabrielle thus it is a completely different story. Especially when my father is involved. I showered and changed into a pair of distressed Diesel jeans, calf length Gucci boots, a black v-neck jumper from Armani, a charcoal Burberry snood and my Chanel J12. I got my wallet and ensured both of my parents' Black American Express' were in there and went to get Gabrielle. She was wearing a Roberto Cavalli sequinned vest with a pair of Patent leather pants from Pucci, a rabbit snood from Burberry, a pair of studded Roberto Cavalli heels measuring 5 inches high and a chanel clutch. As it was only next door, we started in Bergdorf Goodman. Upon entrance to the shoe salon Gabrielle was greeted as "Miss McQuillan." I questioned how they knew her name and she said "Well I used to come more or less everyday when I was undergoing my work placement as it was, in a sense, my corner shop and once they realised I had a black American express and had purchased every piece of footwear I admired I became a vip dear" in that store alone Gabrielle purchased six pairs of shoes and five dresses along with various items of makeup. When the shop assistant handed the bags to her she immediately passed them to me without hesitation and said "I want to have a look in Louis Vuitton next oh and I also need to go to Abercrombie and Fitch. Why don't you go and put those bags at The Plaza otherwise you're going to become somewhat overloaded aren't you?" I just stared at her in complete shock and said "Pardon? Why is it that I am burdened with your purchases? You can carry them!" she laughed and said "Kyle, don't be so absurd. I have a clutch to carry and I'm wearing heels. Ok, so run along and put those at the Plaza, I'll see you in a moment, love you, bye" and she walked off without another word haha. I left the bags with the bellboy and made my way to Louis Vuitton where Gabrielle already had someone following her in possession of a number of items and was now on her way to try on clothes. I meanwhile browsed the men's items and picked two pairs of lace ups and a pair of boots. Gabrielle telephoned me and told me to go and give my verdict on a dress she was trying on. She came out to reveal a rather peculiar yet nice dress nonetheless. I said I liked it and waited whilst she put her own garments back on and went to pay. She had purchased two clutch bags, a necklace which she was going to wear as a headband, two pairs of boots, a pair of pumps, a pair of ballerina flats, a jacket and a dress. Again, I was given the bags and we went to Abercrombie and Fitch. As always there were the undeniably gorgeous models stood in the doorway topless, posing for pictures with the tourists and I fantasised about them as always. As we passed the better looking of the two he said "Hey, Gabrielle!" she turned around, stared at him blankly for a moment then said "Oh my goodness, nice to see you again! How the devil are you?" and kissed him on either cheek. Envy. The female model turned to me and said "Hey, you two totally have the cutest accent! Are you models?" I thanked her and told her we weren't and she said "Oh well you definitely have potential in here! You look like models or celebrities or something" I entered the shop whilst Gabrielle continued to talk/flirt with the model who was effortlessly making the brand all the more attractive. I browsed the shop and purchased a few tracksuits and went to find Gabrielle, who, was still talking to the man I said "Have you been shopping yet?" she said "Kyle don't interrupt. Can you just go and buy me all the nice pairs of tracksuit bottoms there are in the women's department, size zero if they have it, if not then the next smallest. They're only for dancing so it doesn't matter all that much." When I had finally finished the task which my younger sister had set me I went back to the doorway where she had been for the past fifteen minutes and handed her her requested purchases, I asked the man whether a fellow member of staff was in work today and he said "No, not today, it's his day off.. He'd be here next to me if he was. Are you two friends?" I looked at Gabrielle and said "Where certain things are concerned we certainly go well together yes" Gabrielle slapped my arm and said "Anyway darling, we must go. Kyle why have you given me this bag, here you go. You ought to stay in touch, I'm going to Milan in a few days but I shall be back soon no doubt" she kissed him on either cheek and he winked, pointed at her and said "Stay in touch babe.. I'll see you soon hopefully. I might send you a message if I hit the town tonight or tomorrow. Try and reply" we walked back onto fifth avenue and I told her "I would love you more if you were to sleep with him behind Oscar's back" she said "Kyle, what a stupid suggestion, Oscar is far superior to him when it comes to looks and what's more - you haven't seen him with his top off. Oh Kyle, Kyle, Kyle" I replied "You are wasting your life away with that man. Why you chose to have a boyfriend I will never know. Surely you aren't contemplating a future with him thus it is an utter waste of time. You're twenty-one and ought to be having fun, with males such as the one we've just spoken to. That said, be sure to take a picture of Oscar next time he's naked in your presence. I'm so intrigued. He is extremely good looking I shall agree with you. I might see if he'll come to the gym with me sometime and watch him in the shower hahah" she exclaimed in horror and said "Kyle don't you dare do such a thing. I know your foul traits and you would not resist and attempt to seduce him and then I would never speak to you again" we were now in Gucci and I said "Gabrielle... You would honestly not understand your brother's impulsive needs-" she retorted "Oh Kyle be quiet. Hands off, end of story. That man in Abercrombie is gorgeous nonetheless..." We shopped endlessly until we could no longer possibly carry any bags. Of course, I had fifteen times the amount Gabrielle was carrying seeing as she only had one hand full and claimed she couldn't carry anymore and so we returned to The Plaza. As we entered my father got out of a chauffeur and said "Gabrielle, Kyle..." he was dressed down in jeans and shirt and said "I'm going to Las Vegas for a few days for business. I just wanted to say bye to you both as you will probably be in Milan by the time I return." Gabrielle hugged and kissed him whilst I merely wished him a safe journey and said goodbye however, he joked "Erm, excuse me you little swine of a boy. Thousands you have probably spent at my expense today and you don't even have the curtesy to give your father a hug and kiss before he leaves" I smiled and said "Yes, quite right" yet as always, much to my dismay, I was engulfed in his arms and kissed repetitively on the face. Gabrielle went to dance for the rest of the afternoon whilst Elliot came round to entertain me followed by a ten mile run around the park with Maddox. My mother text me that afternoon and said Darling, as ludicrous as it may sound. Would you be so kind as to stay here tonight. I simply despise being in this house alone I told her I would do so however I was going out that evening, she replied Oh that's fine, I think I am going out with a couple of the ladies also, I am quite inclined to return to Bijoux in The Meat Packing District. Be sure to leave Maddox in the townhouse with Martha. Martha was the housekeeper, I can imagine the fun Maddox has with her haha.

That night I didn't stay out late and returned to my parent's townhouse, quite drunk, with Elliot. I made a hideous attempt of opening the highly secured front door before finally gained entrance and stumbled up the many flights stairs. I went to inform my mother of my return home and returned to my bedroom for a few hours of fun with Elliot. At around half past two I recall getting an internal phone call from my mother who said "Kyle, is that you banging? What are you doing?" I attempted to disguise my laughter and took advantage of her lack of common sense, telling her I was attempting to locate the box for my shoes in my wardrobe haha. The following day when I left the hotel of another intercourse partner the occupant of a limousine lowered his window and called my name. I didn't know who he was thus I merely waved and continued with the message I was typing whilst awaiting the arrival of my car when he shouted "You sleep with me on consecutive days for a week and then all I receive is a wave?" I laughed and he added "You're Kyle McQuillan, what else did I honestly expect... Get in if you like. We shall take you to where you're going." Primarily I declined and told him I would wait however it was raining and so after a little persuasion I agreed. Once in the car I merely verified the notion that I had flawless taste when it came to males. He was perfection! Wearing a tailored suit, sat with his legs open, his broad figure, dashing smile and chizzled features gave me a great desire to rip the clothes from his body however I resisted. We exchanged small talk when he said "You honestly do not remember our week of mind-blowing passionate sex do you?" correct "You are the only male I have ever slept with and what a lasting memory you gave me..." I laughed and questioned "Was I the best you ever had?" he smirked leaned closer and said "Undoubtedly..." We paused for a moment whilst my mind told me 'do not do it, an utter low class cliché for one to have intercourse in a limousine' yet, as we are all aware, I think with my penis - not my head so I leant in and kissed him. His hands were immediately in my hair and on my body whilst I unbuttoned his shirt and removed his tie, gradually kissing his torso as I went down, removed his belt and... An hour or so later, we were still driving around the city, as instructed, whilst our garments were scattered around the interior of the automobile and we gripped the seats and handles whilst performing various acts upon one another. Once finished I was unable to locate my underwear and had no choice other than to just put on my jeans and leave the car exhausted, sweaty and burnt from the carpet to return to my apartment...`

A couple of days later after nights out in the likes of Kiss & Fly, Pink Elephant, RdV, The Stone Rose Lounge, The Anchor and other various venues my friends and I flew to Milan via jet for Moda Donna. It was an evening flight and due to my fear of flying I encouraged my peers to join me in The Plaza's bar for pre-flight drinks in order to calm my nerves. When on the flight we were having some peculiar conversations, Lee said "Who would you all say was the better looking one out of Gabrielle and Kyle?" there were such things said as "Well they both have amazing physiques..." et cetra however the group decision was 10:2 in that Gabrielle was the better looking sibling. Charming. I then retaliated "Who's better looking out Elliot and his brother?" I immediately said his brother as did the majority of the girls however the males of the group claimed they thought Elliot was. As a result of me making Elliot the subject of such a question he did likewise with me once more and said "This one ought to be rather amusing. Who would you all take preference with regards to a sleeping partner when it came to Kyle, Gabrielle, Camilla and Haz (Harold)" me and Gabrielle were both disgusted to say the least and as I expected and dreaded; all the females and Elliot said they would rather sleep with my father whilst all the males claimed they would rather sleep with my mother, which as usual, provoked such comments as "They must have the most amazing sex." Yes, quite sickening.

Milan fashion week was amazing. I personally attended Armani, Dolce & Gabbana, Gucci and Bottega Vanetta in addition to all the social gatherings whilst the likes of Gabrielle and our other friends attended the majority of shows. What's more, one cannot go to Milan and not give credit to the males. It is a factor in its self which implores me to visit and this occasion was like no other. My sex life improved vastly (if at all possible) and I had a steady flow of Italian men in and out of my hotel suite haha. I had sex with four different people on one particular day, disgraceful yet an admirable achievement at the same time haha.

However, it was in Paris where we had a truly splendid time, it is after all the penultimate fashion week. I arrived late due missing our jet as a result of a bad hangover and so flew first class a few hours later. It was easier said than done though of course. I had the usual catastrophe with luggage. As though manoeuvring two trollies full of trunks up to eye level in addition to carrying four holdalls wasn't a task in its self I then had to try to communicate with an imbecile of a woman to explain how I was willing to pay any fee and that I was not remotely inclined to leave any luggage behind. I had every intention of taking all 16 pieces haha. After undergoing stress, frustration and still making no progress with the woman I telephoned the family P.A, Jackie and told her to get me an Italian interpreter on the phone. As this is done fairly frequently for my parents when on business I was transferred within a moment and I placed the person on loudspeaker whilst they spoke some sense into the woman. Finally I obtained a ticket and went to the lounge and paid countless visits to the powder room as a result of my fear. Whilst I waited I received a phone call from the now heavily pregnant Ellie whom had stayed in London whilst the rest of us attended fashion weeks. I had spoken to her fairly frequently during my absence and she said "Kyle I am so sick of being in, bored out of my wretched brains. I am coming to Paris!" I was overjoyed at the prospect and she said "Well I am due in two weeks however I shall be travelling with a mere entourage and I shall be shopping an awful lot. I have news for you all too. I'm on my way to the airport as we speak so I shall be in Paris in a couple of hours or so. I shall telephone you when I get there darling."

When I arrived in Paris I received the treatment I was used to in that someone collected my luggage prior to it going onto the conveyor belt and brought it to me before taking it to my chauffeur(s.) My apartment in Paris was now completely refurbished thus that was where I was residing during fashion week. I sent a message to Gabrielle when I arrived asking where she was and she replied I'm getting ready for dinner with a couple of friends from ballet. Everyone has gone to see the Gareth Pugh show however his models petrify me thus I shall not be attending. Are you here? xx As I had no longing to go and discuss ballet for the evening I turned to my preferred option of how to spend my evening and opened my address book for Paris. C'est magnifique!

The following day when I told my mother of Ellie's choice to attend Paris Fashion Week she immediately became overcome with excitement and said "Oh my, I simply cannot wait to see her. In fact, you ought to throw her a baby shower in your new apartment. It goes without saying that being a heartless male you wouldn't think of such a thing. It would be greatly appreciated and in addition it will give you a chance to show off the refurbishment. I imagine the majority of your friends are in the capital anyway so it shan't be an issue and if there are people absent who she would have a desire to be present then feel free to have Jackie charter a jet in order to get them to Paris. Her daughter will be here shortly - it really must be celebrated dear. See to it. I must go, I have work to do." In one conversation, or rather, a speech on my mother's part - I had been insulted, ordered, then dismissed without speaking a word... Nothing out of the norm I suppose. My immediate thought after hanging up from the phone call was whether or not one could be bothered with the hassle of organising a party however I realised that this was a ludicrous thought as, in reality, I was not going to be doing all that much... I got into my Bentley which was kept in Paris and went to The Ritz which was just a short distance away. When I entered the hotel it was abundant with elderly women wearing chanel, journalists (presumably there to see Anna Wintour) and other fashionable looking people. I went directly to the Concierge and said "Good afternoon, I require your assistance with the planning of a party. I am in need of a party planner whom boasts a good reputation." The man looked a little dumbfounded and said "You do realise it's fashion week-" I said "Yes I am more than fully aware of that, however being in the position you're in I am sure you are able to pull a few strings, so to speak, for loyal customers to this prestigious establishment. My name is Kyle McQuillan..." he didn't say another word and instead typed, what I presumed to be my name, into the computer. After a short pause the man said "Ah yes. The hotel has been anticipating your visit or perhaps a phone call from the heiress, Miss Al Fayed, requesting a room on your behalf. Nevertheless, I shall speak to a few of the most acclaimed party planners in the city and pass your details on." I requested the room number of Camilla (Al-Fayed) and they dialled her room before enlightening me. Camilla is also now pregnant and is due in November. When I saw her I witnessed her perfect bump and a radient mother to be. We sat and talked for a long while about her pregnancy and engagement and then I asked whether she was attending any shows, she replied "I am unsure as of yet. I religiously attend the Chanel show however I am determined to stay out of the public eye. I don't believe a single picture of me pregnant has yet been leaked and I intend on keeping it that way thus I am unsure. Marigay will be noting things which I would undoubtedly admire regardless of my attendance." In addition to owning the Ritz, Camilla's father also owns London department store: Harrods. Marigay is the buyer for the enormous store and is in close contact with all the prestigious designers, hence, Camilla has their garments a considerable amount of time before they enter the shops and receives couture pieces at request. Yes, she quite literally is the envy of my friends and I. A couple of hours after leaving The Ritz whilst making my way to Lunch I received a phone call from a party planner. She asked of the party size, what I had in mind and I told her to come to my apartment later that day to discuss my plans. At around 4 pm I greeted a young, well dressed female in the lobby of my apartment building and took her upstairs. Upon entrance in my foyer I told her how it would be neccessary for someone to coat check in addition to another member of staff to take gifts. Appertisers such as caviar would be taken around the room on silver platters whilst others did likewise with champagne, I told her "I am going to need a rather large, tiered cake thus if you could find an adequade person to carry out such a task that would be marvellous. I'm estimating around 150 people will attend thus take on staff accordingly and inform those in charge of catering of the numbers. What's more, her ultrasound scan has been done in 3D as a video therefore if you are able to create something which can be played on each of the televisions that would be marvellous. I shall compile a list of prospective guests and have my own assistant contact them with an invitation, she will then forward that onto you..."

The following day Ellie, Gabrielle, Kelly and Kayleigh attended Balenciaga followed by Balmain whilst I spent sometime with friends in the city. I met Ellie in her hotel room after the show and, having not seen her in a while, I was astonished at how well (yet large) she looked. From the back you were unable to notice any sign of pregnancy whist from the front, she appeared to just have a perfectly rounded pillow placed in her top. Of course, she still dressed exceptionally well in heels, jeans and a fur coat. I hugged her and asked how she was when she said "Oh marvellous darling. It was excellent being out with the girls again attending shows" I asked who was included in her entourage which she spoke of and she said "All the neccessary people. A General Practitioner, A midwife, Hair and Makeup artists and a personal security man - Sam insisted, he claimed he cannot risk anyone bumping into me at a show when the Paparazzi are utter pandemonium and what's more it means I am not required to carry anything. It is rather annoying though to say the least and not to mention pretentious" Sam, her fiancee, was also in Paris with her. I told her of her baby shower and she immediately hugged me and said "Oh Kyle darling, I'm so touched. When is it?" I replied "Well the date had to be set according to desirable shows which people are going to be attending. The most ideal time was Saturday afternoon as the best show on that particular day is Jean Paul Gaultier which is at 7pm thus it shan't be an issue." The conversation immediately switched to babies, christenings and of her daughter's future upbringing. I non-chalantely attempted to obtain knowledge of the baby's name however I had no such luck when she said "Kyle, I have told you all on numerous occasions. I am not informing you until she is born." That night everyone, with the exception of Ellie, joined our parisian friends and fellow fashion followers on a night out in Paris. As usual I was required for translating things as the majority of my friends could only manage "Bonjour" despite the fact it was evening and the extremely useful "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" which they recite from Lady Marmalade's song. I wasn't drunk, however I wasn't entirely composed either on that night. I would speak in French to some peers and forget to alternate language again when necessary, leaving the likes of Gabrielle stood staring at me blankly whilst I replied to their questions in a language they simply did not comprehend. Elliot on the other hand merely placed his hand on behind and whispered "I adore it when you speak French. It arouses me somewhat." That night I took two people back to my apartment. One of whom outshone the other significantly, both in performance and endowment, hence it was he who lingered the following morning whilst the other left. Neither of the gentlemen acquired my number. Obviously.

The following day the majority of those who were attending shows watched Dior whilst I and a couple of friends went to Vivienne Westwood. My mother arrived in Paris on a flight from a business trip in Tokyo so that she could attend Ellie's baby shower the following day. I collected her from the airport along with her dog (Pretisha) and her assistant who rode with the majority of the luggage in a chauffeur. I asked how she was and of her plans for the evening and she said "Well I hoped you and Gabrielle would join me for dinner somewhere, however I realise it is a little last minute dear" I told her I would go and she said "Oh marvellous. I've missed you darling!" Her phone rang "Hello darling. How are you? ... What are your plans for this evening. Would like to join me and Kyle for dinner? Oh, yes that sounds marvellous, we shall depart once we have eaten. What on earth am I going to wear... Yes you may borrow it...." The conversation became progressively dull as Gabrielle and my mother began to discuss clothes. Once she had hung up the phone she said "Well after dinner your sister and I are going out with Kayleigh and her mother. Your sister is insisting however I do not have a clue what I am going to wear... What an utter conundrum." Prior to getting out of the car she said "I have several meetings this afternoon so I will have someone inform you of our plans for this evening. I shall see you later darling. Good day." Elliot sent me a text message whilst I drove to the shops saying I'm slightly bored and I haven't seen you in a while... Do come round for entertainment purposes I ignored his message for a moment whilst I read another from Lee saying I'm craving your expertise... Come round sexual! The combination of the two messages caused my ego to expand (if at all possible) and I said to myself aloud "I am so good!" I decided I would go and see Lee primerily followed by Elliot... They were both in the same hotel thus it was an ideal arrangement. Although I don't get all that much in return from Lee, it is somewhat self satisfying - an extremely attractive well endowed straight stud. Who could decline? Hence why Elliot comes in afterwards...

Post intercourse with Elliot we lay, exhausted, side by side and he said "Would you like to go out to dinner one night... You and I?" I screwed up my face and stared at him and said "Why?" he aduibly exhaled then said "You honestly do not have a single hint of emotion in your robotic self do you" I replied "Well observed, imbecile" and he said "If you weren't so good in bed I don't think I would be friends with you" "Well feel free to attempt to find an alternative however I can assure you you will not come across who boasts my talent let alone emotion too. What's more, it goes with saying that your ability in bed is the only likeable quality I am able to see in you my friend" for which comment I received a punch in the chest. Charming. That evening I was collect by my mother and sister from my apartment and taken to Le Pre Catelan. Once in the restaurant I could see that my mother was wearing a dress Gabrielle looked at in New York by Marchesa, it was black with long bell sleeves with ruffle detailing and a jewel embellished waist, various diamonds were dripping from her along with a Chanel clutch and a pair of platform wedges from Charlotte Olympia. They were ridiculous. How she walked in them I will never know (I searched for them just so you can see how ludicrous they were http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/52803); her hair was up and her makeup flawless. Gabrielle wore an all over long sleeved beaded dress (which had holes all over) by Julien Macdonald, a pair of black suede low calf length boots from Gucci and a Lanvin clutch, she too had her hair up and boasted bright red lips. I now looked like the underprivileged third person in my Armani Collezioni pants and shirt. The three of us had a lovely meal and drank a considerable amount of €700 wine haha. As we left to get another car my mother said "Gabrielle, I don't look like your mother do I?" Gabrielle said "People always say we look alike, why?" she replied "No! I mean, I don't look old and people aren't going to see me and immediately know that I am your mother" Gabrielle said "Oh no! Of course not, you're beautiful mum!" and went over and hugged her whilst walking to the car haha. When I arrived at my apartment I read through my various text messages, one of which was from Lee saying Camilla and Gabrielle are going for a night out together... I shall certainly be following in pursuit of Kyle's mother. Haz shan't be present either... Marvellous! I immediately replied telling him that I was going out with him if he was going. He simply could not be trusted! A few hours later I found myself in the same nightclub as my mother and sister with Lee whilst my mother approached us. She proceeded directly to Lee and said "Hello dear, how are you? I haven't seen you in a while" she kissed him on either cheek and he did likewise, placing his hands on her behind as he did so - my mother slapped them away before I did... Lee, myself and our other male friends stood a fair distance away from my mother, Gabrielle, Kayleigh and her mother and I seemed to be the only man in the room who was not staring in their direction. So very ostentatious haha. As the night drew to a close I returned from the toilet to find my friends and family in a seated vip area where my mother had her feet on Lee's lap, allowing him to massage them. I almost vomited in my mouth however my mother said "Our car shall be here ladies. Oh my goodness, these shoes! Kyle darling, please would you be the loving son I brought you up to be and take me to the car" she held her shoes in her hand, placed her arm around my neck and jumped up. Whilst I carried her and waited for a couple of minutes with her in my arms she just sat comfortably and made a couple of phone calls haha.

The following day I woke fairly early as I had set my alarm to begin preparation for Ellie's baby shower. The lady who was in charge of organising the event telephoned me to say that she was on her way to my apartment thus I quickly showered and put on a tracksuit in time for her arrival. When she entered she immediately informed me of the downstairs lobby which was currently overflowing with wrapped parcels, fedex boxes and flowers. I presumed it was due to me and went downstairs. As she had described there was in fact piles upon piles of things, all addressed to Ellie at my address. The doormen and I made several trips to my apartment where we recreated the pile in my foyer. From that moment onwards my door was permanently open as there was a now a steady flow of deliveries in addition to catering staff (who were all extremely attractive!) cases of from Dom Perignon were arriving as was food. It was then that I realised I hadn't purchased anything as a gift from myself thus I phoned my mother in a panic who said "Kyle, do you think I'm a fool. I was more than aware that you weren't going to remember to do such a thing, your sister has just woke up next to me and echoed what you said. Not to worry, I have purchased something. I'm about to get in the shower and then Gabrielle and I shall make our way to your apartment" It was now half past ten, I had recieved a message from Jackie thirty minutes earlier confirming the arrival of the jet from London thus I imagined people would begin arriving fairly soon. I went into my bedroom to change and put on a grey cashmere v-neck jumper from Burberry with a pair of pants from Gucci and a black check snood also from Burberry. Kelly was the first to arrive wearing a grey knitted dress from Phillip Lim with tights and Laboutin shoes. Gabrielle then arrived wearing a pair of leather pants from Balmain, a plain white top and a short tailored shoulder padded jacket from Julien Macdonald which had, what appeared to be, pieces of glass/mirror sticking out of the shoulders along with various jewels, my mother also arrived with her wearing a Red and Black stripe Alexander McQueen top with a pair of £3,000 python thigh high boots and a black Burberry handbag. Following that the arrivals became more frequent and the catering staff began to circulate with canapés, caviar and champagne. Ellie finally arrived looking divine in a red dress which hugged her bump and was taken back by the amount of gifts she had been purchased. Once everyone had talked for a while Ellie tapped a spoon on her champagne flute and made a short speech thanking everyone and then said "and now for my news. After much thought and consideration with regards to the matter Sam and I have come to a decision. Along with the help of Harold, Camilla and their dedicated staff we have found a house in which we have a great longing to bring up our daughter" I had hoped she was going to tell us the name, this was quite the contrast, I dreaded this news somewhat "that home will be in Greenwich, Connecticut..." There was a pause and nobody spoke then Gabrielle began to cry and there was a short murmur of laughter "However it is only a short distance to New York where we are looking into purchasing an apartment thus, all is not lost, I shall still be joining you on nights out. Not only this but the amazing home has fourteen bedrooms and over thirty acres of land so you are more than welcome to come and stay." Tears filled her eyes at this point and she said "I would simply love to stay near you all but I'm a mother almost and I have to put my daughter first, a city such as London or New York might be good for countless amazing nights an envious social life yet it is not ideal for bringing up a child. In this home we can have horses and dogs and we're near to some of the best schools. Can I just thank mine and Sam's parents for purchasing this amazing home for us. Now, no more tears, I spent forever having my makeup done. Let's open the gifts and can I just have the platter of caviar please. I am positively starving." She opened what seemed like hundreds of presents consisting of the payment of an LED ceiling for the child's room to help it sleep; what seemed like the entire Baby Dior and Ralph Lauren's girls collection from Kayleigh's family, Elliot and his parents purchased her a £9,000 vintage pram, she got silver feeding cutlery and diamond encrusted charms relating to children from Tiffany &co, teddies, designer changing mats, fur blankets, custom made cots, a pre-paid interior designer to decorate their nursery among other eccentric gifts. When she had finished my mother then said "Darling, your gift from Harold myself and the children is not here however I am able to show it to you as it stands in your new home. I knew that you would be receiving countless gifts for your daughter thus, as I was aware of your house purchase, we have purchased you something which will be of benefit to you all as a family in the times to come as a housewarming gift too" she notioned to a man who was stood with a remote for the television and we all turned to see the image of a helicopter behind which was an enormous mansion/palace which, we all gathered was Ellie and Sam's new home. Ellie gasped and said "Camilla I cannot accept this!" My mother replied "Of course you can dear. Harold and I did likewise when Kyle was a child and we had our butler take flying lessons thus it was he who flew us. It proved to be extremely beneficial!"

The rest of the time in Paris was excellent. Shows watched included: Karl Largerfeld, Emanuel Ungaro, Giambattista Valli, Louis Vuitton and of course the Chanel show which was unbelievably spectacular. On the 8th October whilst we were all in the airport awaiting our jet home Ellie was miserable as sin. I asked "What on earth is wrong?" whilst Sam attempted to comfort her, walking on egg shells as he did so, she replied "My wretched back is in agony" I said "Well Ellie you have flown a General Practitioner out with you, why don't you seek his diagnosis?" She snapped "I don't want to be a hypo-chondriac Kyle... It's back ache!" We continued to the jet and all took our seats on board. The jet we had chartered was extremely large and as Ellie's pain was showing no signs of subsiding Sam took out his phone and said "The doctor is still waiting for his flight in the airport. I'm afraid ours is going to have to get delayed, we need to see him" Ellie protested and he said "This is not for discussion" all of a sudden she hurled over and panted whilst shouting "Oooo" everyone looked at her and shouted "What?!" and she bellowed "I'm having fucking contractions! I'm in labour!" Gabrielle screamed with joy and jumped to her feet then Ellie shouted "Get me off this jet! I am not giving birth to my daughter on a plane!" Everyone seemed to take out their phones and dial numbers at that point, Sam was dialling the midwife and doctor, Lee was telling the staff to unload the luggage again, Kayleigh was ordering cars whilst I chartered a helicopter. We all made our way back into the terminal where we were greeted by a frantic midwife and GP and Kelly ran over to a woman insisting that she acquired a buggy to take her to the appropriate place. Within a couple of minutes one arrived and I told Sam the confirmation of his helicopter and where it awaited him. The four of them got onto the buggy and Sam told him where to go then Ellie shouted "KYLE! He can't speak English!" My heart was pounding and I told the man where to go and to do so quickly and carefully.

The rest of us eagerly made our way back through the airport to the cars which would be waiting for us. Everything is such a blur, I was having an extreme adrenaline rush. The journey to the centre of Paris was around thirty minutes and as we neared the hospital they had gone to Ellie phoned to say "They have sent me home to come back when the contractions are more frequent. I am coming to your apartment and we are all going to sit and you shall devote yourselves to distracting me." We all sat in our apartment and watched films et cetra and Ellie filled herself with food whilst every twenty minutes she would cross her legs in pain. Both sets of parents were currently on jets back to Paris despite only having been in London/The Hamptons for two days. The Midwife and GP were doing frequent tests, checking how dilated she was, her blood pressure et cetra... At around six o'clock she had another contraction which lasted quite a while and then she said "This is so sore. I think I want to push" Sam said "What?! You either do or you don't, shall we leave?" she said "I don't know Sam! What the hell am I, the midwife?! Where is she?" she was now panting somewhat and the midwife ran in and said "Yes.. We need to leave. Quick." We all walked with her through my apartment, Gabrielle scurrying right behind her in her heels when her water broke all over my marble floor, causing Gabrielle to slip and land in it on her behind. I heard the splash followed by a thud and we all turned to see her sat there, looking completely horrified and then she began to scream and shouted "That is repulsive! Baby juice all over me!! Kyle! Help!" She was sat rigid not moving whilst everyone was in a fit of hysterics, Ellie was now paying no attention to the fact that her baby was coming and was hurled over in a fat of laughter rather than pain. Then came another contraction and she let out another wail and said "I'm going to have to go... This baby is surely about to drop out of my vagina any moment now.." As they walked out of the door Sam shouted "We don't have a car" I bellowed "I'll drive you" and Ellie added "Yes, yes do! We'll get there faster that way. Quick Kyle!" We entered the lift and Sam telephoned both sets of parents to update them and then we made our way to the car. Of course this was extremely slow so I said "Ellie, I'm carrying you" she said "I'm not disabled, I'm pregnant!" I replied "I am aware of that but unless you want to give birth in my apartment lobby then I suggest you permit me to get you to the car quicker" she said "Very well then.. Now hurry up!" I placed her in the front seat whilst Sam, the midwife and the doctor got into the back." I have driven fast through city centres in the past however this was a whole new level. I almost killed approximately three people in the process and took all the shortcuts I knew in order to get there quickly. Ellie had her feet on the dashboard, panting whilst we drove there and would occasionally start laughing about Gabrielle's fall before another contraction and then all humour evaporated. We arrived at the hospital in record time and the four of them got out and went inside. I returned to my apartment and eagerly awaited news.

When I entered there was a shopping bag from Dolce & Gabbana in the foyer, I peered inside to see Gabrielle's all in one outfit from Diane Von Furstenberg and a couple of towels.I joined the others in the drawing room and questioned the bags presence and Gabrielle (who was now wearing my Dolce & Gabbana tracksuit) told me it was to be disposed of. We sat, anxiously waiting for what seemed like forever, however was in reality a mere two hours when Ellie and Sam walked in holding their daughter, they sat on the suite and said "Say hello to Ava Pari..." Gabrielle burst into tears followed by Kayleigh. Ellie went on to say "Pari being her middle name, i.e. Paris how the french say it, I'm not having her called Paris, hence it shall be prevented with the lack of an 's.'" We all sat around and admired the adorable new-born Ava for a few minutes without speaking when Ellie's mother and father ran in and said "Darling there you are!" After a while Ellie's parents questioned what her plans were, she replied "Well I have no intentions of taking her on a plane so I am staying in Paris. I will therefore require a suite somewhere, Sam's parents ought to be here either tonight or tomorrow morning won't they darling?" he told her they would probably arrive in the middle of the night and she said "Well in that case, I'm going to go to a hotel and have an early night, I'm exhausted and then we can all spend the day together tomorrow. I still have the pram and cot here as they were waiting to be shipped elsewhere thus we can put those to use. Mother can you ring The Crillon please" I said "Ellie, you can stay here. I think we'll all return to London and allow you to spend some time with your family. There isn't any food other than caviar and ice cream and nothing to drink other than protein shakes, energy drinks and alcohol I'm afraid" Ellie's father said "I can have an assistant deal with that" I said "Very well then, you may reside here. Your cot and pram in addition to baby clothes are all here too so it is ideal." She finally agreed and we congratulated both her and Sam before kissing them goodbye. Ellie's parents thanked us all for our support and we left once more for the airport.

Part way through the journey Gabrielle began crying once more and then again as we made our way through London to my house where she was staying. We left all of our luggage downstairs and went straight upstairs to get into bed. It had been weeks since I was home! As I had expected, Gabrielle climbed into bed with me a mere five minutes after being in her own room in my house... She's a special child. haha. One day after having been to a males apartment to 'catch up' I sent a message to my mother and father saying I'm currently shopping and I've come across a divine fur coat in Alexander McQueen. I thought I would be so kind as to ask permission prior to purchasing it x I was of course lying, I was merely en route to Alexander McQueen. My Father replied with a blunt No. To which I said Dad! If this was Gabrielle you wouldn't do as much as hesitate, she's had countless pieces of couture this year! Please... However my mother replied saying Yes. Don't tell your father though x I replied telling her I loved her and told my father it no longer mattered. Thankfully when I arrived at Alexander McQueen they had the garment which I had seen in GQ magazine in the store; I tried it on, immediately fell in love and purchased it. Twelve thousand pounds later I was taking my self to Elliot's apartment to show off my new purchase, we did however digress upon my arrival haha.

When Halloween arrived I had recieved various invitations and had decided I would attend a friend's party in Surrey when, the day before, Lee sent me a text message saying Good day my friends. I shall be hosting a halloween party to which all of London's beautiful socialites will be attending. The club is closed from the public and the after party shall be hosted in my Penthouse. Non-acceptance of the invite is forbidden, especially when the reason behind which is for another event. The theme: The Playboy Mansion. Men, you're Hugh... Girls, go wild... Please! He attached the contact details for the people whom were managing the guestlist who I immediately emailed informing them of my choice to attend when the front door opened and Lee walked into the kitchen "Why is it that everyone has a key for my house?" he just looked at me and said "I don't know nor do I care. May I have oral sex?" his phone rang and he answered before I had chance to reply. I sat and continued opening various invites whilst he spoke on the phone and then said "It was Gabrielle... I quote 'Lee why do you insist upon having such a low class theme whereby the majority of girls are going to be half naked?' she is quite dense. The answer lies in the question... Anyway, let's get on with what I came here for. Do you have any pornographic material just to keep me going, it's not the same as doing it with a female" I exclaimed "No I most certainly do not you repulsive specimen. What do you think I am, a fifteen year old boy? I do not watch porn!" he laughed and said "You sounded so much like your mother then. I'll just think of her it's fine" I punched him and then remembered "Oh, how highly embarrassing. I have a video which me and Kelly made in order to improve our performance - see where our mistakes were et cetra" he said "Oh I understand. I shall put that on."

When Halloween came I waited outside my parent's house in a car for Gabrielle wearing a pair of silk boxer shorts and a silk robe (I wasn't going to wear pyjamas - I wanted to attract people with my body haha.) We arrived at Lee's apartment where a few of us were meeting beforehand and entered to a resounding "Ohh, Gabrielle!" I had no idea what they were talking about when I realised that Gabrielle's hair was up and she was wearing a Burberry mac she said "Oh, be quiet. I had to do this otherwise my father wouldn't allow me to leave the house" at which moment she untied her coat and removed it whilst removing the clip from her hair and letting it fall down her back. She was now wearing a leather corset along with lingerie, stockings, suspenders, a pair of leather knuckle gloves and Gucci heels - Lee's jaw dropped and Kelly said "That corset is actually quite nice Gabrielle.. Where is it from?" she said "Oh, well I had to incorporate some class into this outfit somehow.. It cost me eight hundred pounds in YSL. Ugh, I feel like a prostitute. Lee please try and hide your erection darling" everyone's eyes moved to Lee's crotch he just stared at us and said "What? I am a straight male. This girl is undeniably good looking and wearing highly provocative garments. One cannot be questioned or criticised. Now, let us indulge in these spirits which arrived this morning." We all drank what we were given and then Lee insisted upon pouring a repulsive liquid which boasted a delightful acid resemblance down our throats. Of course, in the ten minutes we had sat there, Gabrielle had managed to get drunk and stumbled her way into the car then sang Cheryl Cole's fight for this love all the way there (much better than she herself does I might add.)

Upon our entrance it was highly amusing! All the men were wearing silk garments whilst all of the females were displaying their best assets, some in thigh high boots, others even donned a tail and ears. I went directly to the bar and stood next to a couple of friends who currently had a line of beverages and said "It is neccessary that I get excessively intoxicated in order to let my hair down with regards to this wretched outfit which is typical of Lee. Such an utter Playboy!" The night became an increasing blur and whilst dancing I threw my robe somewhere and never came accross it again; thus, I was walking around the club wearing nothing other than a pair of silk boxershorts, of course - it worked in my favour. There were both males and females, both straight and homosexual rubbing their hands all over my torso, a couple of people slipped their hands down my shorts too haha. At one point, whilst I was getting caressed someone asked "What's going on over there? Heaven forbid there's a fight for god's sake" I followed his eyes and saw a flick of blond hair followed by a leg fly in the air and said "Oh.. It's my sister, dancing... Again." Another epic moment of the evening was a game which Lee insisted we played, he ordered "Kyle lie on your back on this table" being quite drunk now I did so without question and then he added "Kelly, come here" as he placed shot glasses down the centre of my torso, starting at my lower abs/pubic bone and finishing at my chest. Kelly was to straddle me and drink the shots using only her mouth and crawl her way up me - finishing with a kiss. Anything that spilt she had to lick off... My my, we really were lowering the tone that evening. We did so excellently then before I had chance to get up James was straddling me and the glasses were refilled. My immediate thoughts were of dread - James being someone who I often opt to sleep with due to his athletic physique I closed my eyes and tried not to look at him too much. The first was fine however as he made his way to the second I could feel his breath on my stomach and as a result I had to take a deep breath in order to compose... Causing two of the drinks to spill. I then felt his tongue making its way across my abdominals and all over my chest. People were cheering so I attempted to focus myself on them as opposed to what was happening and then he was on top of me and his tongue was in my mouth. I forgot where I was for a moment and had to stop myself haha. I got up after that little episode and threw Lee onto the table. Kelly placed shot glasses on him and I winked and mouthed "Payback." I purposely spilt the first glass which was balancing on his lower abs and had to pull his underwear down a little so that I could lick the liquid from him. He was biting his lip and his penis gradually grew. I continued to drink the shots and sat on his crotch, put my hands either side of his head and kissed him for a while longer than necessary haha.

When those who were still standing returned to Lee's penthouse we continued the pandemonium. Gabrielle was walking along the edges of furniture singing 'Macavity's a mystery cat' for some unknown reason from Cats the musical doing jazz hands as she did so. It was at that moment that I realised I had lost my phone. I asked Gabrielle whether it was in her bag however she was far to engrossed in her performance to hear me thus I took it upon myself to look. It wasn't. I merely sent an e-mail to Jackie from Gabrielle's phone informing her and continued socialising with my peers. There are several gaps from that moment onwards. Oscar appeared at some ridiculous hour and said "Gabrielle what are you wearing?" she stood and said "Do you not think this outfit is arousing even if it is somewhat disgusting" he said "Of course you look sexy - I want you to keep it all for me though" they began kissing one another and I said "Erm.. Hands Oscar." I slept with four people that evening... At once. It was exceptionally fun and pleasing from what I recall. I did however wake naked in the bath the following morning which is ever so slightly worrying. How I got there I will never know...

Speak soon,


30 August 2009

London, Paris, London, Paris, New York...

Hello again,

When I last wrote I was in London attending Gabrielle's rather lengthy graduation for which my parents paid to hire a venue enabling Gabrielle and her classmates to celebrate the event. A couple of days later my parents returned to New York, where they are currently residing, whilst I remained in London. I took the time to go and see my horse and drive down quiet roads where the speed cameras are non-existant meanwhile Gabrielle was spending all of her time dancing and helping a friend of hers on a project choreographing a music video or something. In addition to this I have been continuing with becoming a qualified personal trainer. I have no desire for a career, however I do have a great longing for the new Aston Martin One-77. The only way I could acquire such a vehicle is through my parents and my father agreed to getting it for me if I learnt that everything isn't always handed to me on a plate and that I worked for a period of time. How enjoyable it is. Although, it shall all be worth it in the end.

I took the time alone in London to catch up with people whom I hadn't seen for a while and have a few nights out. Of course, as the saying goes, when the cat's away... One evening, following a very succesful day of shopping with my friend Chloe I left my many, many, purchases in the boot of my car and nipped into my parents house for something. I had no intentions of staying however the reality was quite the opposite to my initial intention.

I decided to have a night in at my parent's house (they have a cinema and a pool - two things which my townhouse lacks) with Chloe and Jacob. A couple of hours after their arrival I invited Kayleigh and Elliot to come round too. Gabrielle was out at a lounge with friends and told me she would be home at around midnight. Once the other guests arrived the sight of the divine straight model sitting in my parent's drawing room implored me to invite more. Of course, everyone was bringing a range of alcohol and the amount of invites along with the number of guests arriving was increasing dramatically. At around 12 o'clock I walked from one room to another and thought "Oh crap" and immediately went to lock the office and upstairs to lock all of the bedrooms... The walk-ins are all in there and the things which are in my parent's and sister's wardrobes are priceless. Chanel, Valentino, Jean-Paul Gaultier couture. If one of those were to disappear my life would not be worth living. When I got into my bedroom there was a threesome already happening in my bed which was rather pleasant thus I evicted the trio and they all ran out of my room with their pants around their ankles. Once I had locked my room I stopped on the landing to have a conversation with them, erections and nipples pointing directly at me haha. Quite stupidly of me I did not think to stop the soiree of mine and merely continued with it, getting exceptionally drunk and taking advantage of the fact that a lot of my friends were gathered. I was unaware that Gabrielle had even arrived until I heard a "Woo" and turned to see her stood on the couch dancing haha.

There was, as usual, a divide between the group. There were those who are your typical english affluent child, refined, attended boarding school and the girls finishing school, dressed exceptionally well but in no way provocatively and sat drinking champagne, slurring their words. Granted that may sound like myself however there were then the crowd who gradually increased the volume of the music, kissed the people they walked past, brought the spirits with them (cocaine possibly), wore the high fashion revealing attire and were most likely in the music or fashion industry and mixed with the models. It was these who influenced the other crowd and turned the event into pandemonium. Before I knew it there were people having sex in bathrooms and I even witnessed two of my friends having intercourse on the landing. Delightful.

I recall a man being sat on top of me whilst I held a flute of Champagne on the couch in a very sexual position when the music went off all of a sudden and Elliot walked rather hastily past me in the opposite direction and I heard "Ok everyone. Out!" It wasn't my mother or father so the increase in heart rate didn't last all that long, there was some protest but gradually everyone stumbled, quite literally out of the door. Carrying one another and walking out with one shoe or see through clothes from the pool. As the crowd got thinner and the person climbed from on top of my crotch, I prevented my head from rolling around for long enough to realise the state of the house. The carpet was filthy and had unclaimed shoes everywhere. There were bottles and glasses on every surface and the occasional one lying on it's side on the floor. I walked around and the grass in the garden was barely visible for cigarette ends. As I continued to stumble through the house I was stood facing Elliot's dad and stopped in my tracks and said "Oh.. Good evening!" he simply looked at the state of me and said "Hmm.. Maxwell is waiting outside to take you and Elliot back to our house. Give me your car keys and I shall follow you." I did as he said and got into Elliot's brother's car to find Elliot sat there hiccupping, Gabrielle singing and dancing with her hands whilst Maxwell sat sober in the driver's seat finding the situation rather amusing. He drove us to Elliot's house and I asked him what we were all doing and he said "You two are staying at my parent's house this evening. I was having a quiet night in and had been in bed when my father came and got me due to you three imbeciles" I laughed and said "You can take me back to your apartment if you want" Elliot mumbled "Oh Kyle" in the back of the car and I slurred "Oh Elliot do be quiet. You're merely jealous because I am more attracted to your sex on a stick brother than I am to you" Gabrielle was still singing with her eyes shut pulling rather peculiar facial expressions haha. Maxwell replied "Kyle I am flattered but for the umpteenth time I am straight and although you are gorgeous I am not remotely inclined to sleep with you."

Once at Elliot's house he stood on the door step trying to find the key then trying to find the hole where the key goes before his brother said "Oh for crying out loud you complete and utter remedial!" We walked in and Gabrielle was still singing away with her eyes closed, making fists with her hands as she did so and Maxwell told her which bedroom she was sleeping in then I said "I'm sleeping in Elliot's room.. I am craving sex with him!" Maxwell began to laugh and I used all my strength to move my head to see Elliot's mum stood in her night gown looking at us all. I stood before her then said "... Good night."

In the morning I woke up lying naked diagonally across the bed at around midday; my head was pounding and I had a rather unpleasant dry mouth. I woke up Elliot and he groaned as soon as he opened his eyes then a few minutes later Gabrielle walked into the room with her hair over her face and stood motionless with her eyes barely open. After a couple of minutes of silence we all decided to go downstairs to get some breakfast and found Elliot's father in the kitchen who erupted in laughter at the sight of us. I immediately sat down and rested my head on the surface... Holding it up was too much effort. Whilst eating I asked "Why did you come and take on the role of responsible adult anyway?" he laughed and said "Well Kyle, your neighbours had been getting disturbed and rather than ring the police - which they could have done, they phoned your parents. Obviously, they are in New York and couldn't get hold of either of you two and so they phoned us and asked us to go round." It was at that point that I realised I hadn't seen my phone since I invited everyone to come and join the party. I looked at Gabrielle and both of us moaned and placed our heads back on our arms, face down... What had we done haha. I asked Elliot's Dad if the house was really that bad and he said "Kyle... It looked at though you had brought the outside in and played host to animals all night long... Yes, it was shockingly bad."

A couple of hours later when we had eaten and re-hydrated ourselves Gabrielle and ventured to my parent's house in order to see the mess we had caused. Whilst I drove home in my Porsche Cayenne Gabrielle and I discussed how we would merely ring Jackie, the family Personal Assistant and have her contact the house staff and have them come over. We would have to do so discreetly thus to ensure my parents were completely oblivious. I parked my car and then walked up to the house. Upon seeing the entrance I immediately dreaded what was beyond. There was the contents of a girl's bag outside the door consisting of smashed makeup palettes and other various pieces of makeup. I groaned when I saw it and picked it up whilst Gabrielle opened the door; followed by a gasp. I looked up and my jaw dropped. The hallway was filled with water, random shoes, mud. We then walked into the reception room and upholstery had patches where wine and various other substances had been spilt and the cushions were not the fluffed inviting things they usually are. There were bottles and countless glasses everywhere. Following this we entered the kitchen which was the worst yet. The refrigerator was still open, there was caviar on the ceiling, popcorn on the floor, wet patches where a bottle of Krug had be popped and exploded everywhere (including the ceiling.) On the island in the centre of the kitchen there stood an empty bottle of Platinum Tequila from Patron which costs £300, along with this there was a large circle of shot glasses. Gabrielle said "Kyle... I honestly do not know whether we will be able to salvage some of this.." When we got upstairs the plush shag pile which carpets all of the staircases and landings was muddy and damp, then on the landings outside of doorways where people had clearly hoped to gain access to bedrooms there were condoms - some used, other's packaged. I was repulsed. We walked back downstairs and I stood in awe. As we walked back into the kitchen Gabrielle stopped in her tracks turned hastily and silently on the spot, dived into her clutch for her keys and began darting to the lower ground floor, where the pool, gym, dance studio and garage are. I looked into the kitchen and there sat my mother, looking stern and extremely frightening, she said "Gabrielle, come here" Gabrielle crept to my side and said "Good afternoon mum.. How are you?" She was sat wearing an all black Chanel suit and black Chanel sunglasses. She ignored Gabrielle's question and then slowly removed her sunglasses and said "I trust the pair of you have witnessed the outcome of your reckless decision to have our home be the venue of a house party" she looked from one of us to the other and then she said "Kyle... Remind me of your age" I replied "Twenty-two" she then went on "Why is it that at twenty two years old you are still behaving in the same way you did at fifteen years old, when you would host such parties, only, not quite as destructive. At least then I would not be left with the remnants of intercourse which now litter my landing or the underwear which is floating in the pool downstairs" her voice was completely calm which scared me more... I would have preferred it if she screamed at me. I didn't say anything and then she said "I do believe I just asked you a question Kyle and you have not yet replied. Evidently you seem to be unable to determine the difference between what's right and wrong-" I replied "I didn't reply because I do not have a valid answer. I did not think of what I was doing at the time and it was selfish of me to not think of what may occur as a result of my actions. I'm sorry." "How inconsiderate of the pair of you to not even think of the neighbours! Do you realise how humiliating it was to receive a phone call in New York from four sets of neighbours from London informing me of your activity. Not only that but I had to assure them that the matter would be dealt with immediately to prevent them from phoning the police. I then had to leave the quiet night which I was having and order a jet to take me to London... All the while wondering what on earth I was going to be faced with when I opened that front door. Do you know how that portrays this family and your upbringing?!" silence "Granted you may be twenty one and twenty two but this is my house and you have had a complete lack of respect for it, with that you shall be punished. Starting with the garden the pair of you can go out there and pick up every single thing which does not belong, be it cigarettes or litter. Following that you can attempt to get the stains out of all the upholstery and carpets" Gabrielle said "But mother that is completely pointless... Some of those stains will not come out by the hands of two amateurs" my mother just looked at her and said "Well you can try your hardest and I shall make a decision based on what you've done." I should've known better but I said "Mother, we pay people to do such jobs, why is it that you have your two children slaving away?" she stood up and walked towards me and said "Because Kyle, it is my two children who created the mess and their lack of consideration for anyone but themselves with regards to the matter implores me to punish you somehow. What's more Kyle if I had of done such things to you when you did the same thing in your youth perhaps last night wouldn't have happened. Now this is not up for debate, go outside and begin."

An hour or so later Gabrielle and I seemed to be making rather good progress. We were still either walking around the garden picking up cigarettes or sat on the floor getting them out of the grass and putting them into the only bags we could find - Gucci and Chanel shopping bags. Gabrielle asked "Do you think this is what slaves were made to do? Pick litter out of the grass?" I gave her that look which is associated with her when she says such a thing and said "Don't be so absurd. They were made to farm land and things while getting whipped!" When we had finished we went inside and shouted my mother. There was no reply so I went in search of my phone. I found it behind a picture frame in the living room and had an array of messages ranging from Kyle McQuillan what on earth are you playing at?! to Kyle answer your phone immediately then from the P.A Kyle your parents are furious.. I suggest you answer your phone dear x along with Amazing party.. Shame I didn't end it with the host - Good morning Kyle, I woke fully clothed with holes in my tights and only one shoe (the other is nowhere to be seen), always the sign of a good night. Thanks babe! See you soon! x then from Elliot Kyle not only are you in trouble but I have apparently showed no sense of maturity playing a part in this ludicrous event. Kayleigh sent My mother is ready to crucify me.. She spoke to your mum this morning when she landed at Heathrow and she told her everything. The next thing I know the curtains or being opened and my duvet taken from me revealing me wearing my Chanel shoes from the night before and underwear, why? I have no idea. I am now sat in her office in Vogue House whilst she meets with the editors of Vogue, Gq.... Bored out of my mind as I'm sure you can imagine- oh the thrill! I then got the several rather torturous messages which read I'm free all day (accompied with the image of a man from the waist up tipping his head back biting his lip) - Let's have a repeat of last week - Text me if you're in the area.. I shall cancel all of my plans - Had a bad morning.. You could always brighten that for me and pay me a visit Kyle haha. Good night last night by the way! and so on.... I returned to the kitchen and asked Gabrielle whether we should ring cleaners she agreed but told me not to ring Jackie as it was too risky, with that I phoned the hotel where I live and requested that they sent a few of their house keeping staff to the house. The concierge replied "On any other occasion Kyle I would do so without hesitation however we have recieved a phone call from your mother this morning-" I stopped listening at that point and hung up the phone. Five minutes later we heard the door to the office open and my mother walked down the hallway and said "Oh are you having a little respite. Do be serious children. Have you seen the state of this house and Kyle, if you are going to attempt to bring cleaners into this house then I will take it that you are not taking this punishment seriously and think of an alternative. I scowled and she said "You can make a start on the kitchen now... I shall be in the office thus if it is crucial that you have my attention you will have to either come and get me or make an internal phone call" Gabrielle said "Because evidently we are ignored when we shout you" my mother replied "Yes you are dear because I cannot hear you. The room is soundproof for the umpteenth time. Adjust your attitude young lady." Neither Gabrielle or I knew where cleaning products were kept and asked our mother that question, she didn't know the answer either and told us to look for them.

It didn't take us long to clean the kitchen and once we had finished the house keeping staff arrived and re-cleaned every surface we had touched haha. My mother told the staff to go and tidy the bedrooms whilst Gabrielle and I made a start on the carpets. It was absurd. We were on our hands and knees scrubbing the floor. Gabrielle did not stop moaning for a single second and claimed she felt like Cinderella however I was merely becoming increasingly angry. When my mother came in again she said "You have plenty more to do thus you may as well stop your complaining" I shot back "Mother this is absolutely absurd! That is a patch which I have scrubbed endlessly and, granted the stain has come out somewhat however this is you we are talking about. As if you are going to put up with a mark such as that on your carpet. You and I know full well that this is going to get replaced so for crying out loud stop being a malicious imbecile and allow us to move onto something remotely beneficial" my mother did not say anything and instead her eyes widened and her nostrils flared ever so slightly. Once I had thought about what I had just said and saw the look on her face I thought. Oh crap. What have I done. Then she said "What did you just call me?" I didn't want to say it again as it was a mistake and to be honest.. she was scaring me haha. I replied "Mother you know full well what I said, there is no need for me to repeat it" she placed down her drink and "I have simply had enough. I do not see how you believe you are in a position to set the rules here when you are so clearly in the wrong and are deserving of such a punishment if not more. Your father and I discussed the matter of removing you from the waiting list for that Aston Martin you wanted. I think that now seems like a perfectly reasonable prospect." I stood up and threw the cloth I was using onto the floor and stormed upstairs, my mother was shouting after me as I did so however I was overcome with anger. I walked into my room and slammed the door, ensuring it made the loudest noise possible and then went into my wardrobe to pack a bag. I picked up all of the most recent items of clothing I had purchased, changed out of my tracksuit into slim Dolce & Gabbana jeans and a t-shirt along with a black Burberry mac and Prada lace-ups. I put some sunglasses, my wallet (I also took a few hundred pounds from my parents room) in another bag and went back downstairs. My mother came out of the living room as I passed and said "Where on earth do you think you are going?" I picked up my car keys and proceeded to the lower level. My mother came in pursuit. I walked past the pool and heard her heels behind me on the marble flooring as shouted "Kyle do not even think about leaving. This is situation is of your doing and you need to rectify it!" I tried to not listen to her as I was becoming more and more annoyed. I passed the gym and the sauna and changing rooms and went into the garage, unlocked my car and got in, locking it again as soon as I was seated. My mother appeared at the window and was saying something but I already had my ipod on at this point so I couldn't hear her and I drove off. I phoned Elliot, no answer, Kayleigh, no answer.. Kelly was in Marbella, Lee was in Chicago, Chloe was out for lunch.. I could barely think for anger and instead I opted against my friends and drove to the airport. Destination? Unknown.

When I arrived I parked my car in the long stay car park and got my bags out of the car. I opened the boot to find my twenty or so bags of shopping and picked them up. As usual there were a few other things in the boot also such as bags and shoe boxes so I took out the bags and filled them with the new shopping... I knew they'd be useful one day. Not all of it fit as you can imagine so I walked in with two Louis Vuitton holdalls, a Gucci one and Prada and D&G duffels plus a large shopping bag from Vivienne Westwood. I entered the terminal building and walked to the British Airways desk and said "I need a flight as soon as possible to..." I thought "Paris. A jet, anything." She said "You're quite fortunate, there's a flight leaving in just under two hours. We only have First Class seats available. I told her that was fine and paid the £800 charge on my card and went to check in my five pieces of luggage (which was an extra charge, as usual) and took my shopping bag on board as hand luggage. Whilst I waited in the First Class lounge I phoned the Ritz in Paris and informed them of my flight number and instructed them to collect me from the airport. Following that my anger became side tracked as my fear of flying took precedence.

Once in Paris I was collected by a driver and taken to The Ritz hotel. I was thankful of the escape I had made! I walked up to the check in desk and requested a room, the girl typed for a while and then said "We have standard or suites available" I booked a suite and placed my card into the machine to pay. I had to put my pin number in twice and then she said "I'm sorry but your card has been declined..." Something printed out on her computer and she said "I'm afraid this card has been cancelled sir." Anger once more! I replied "Oh I see... My name is Kyle McQuillan, my parents are Harold and Camilla McQuillan. Could you see if there's anything you can do for me." She asked for the assistance of a more senior man who asked for my name once again. I told him and he said "Ah Mr. McQuillan it's lovely to see you again. How have you been since your last visit?" I said "Quite all right thank you. Now, the issue with room?" he said "It's an issue no longer. The room is yours free of charge." I knew that would work. I have been doing it since I was twelve and at boarding school here in the city. I used to telephone the hotel and inform them of my name and they would send a car to come and collect me from school and chauffeur me around the shops in the centre of Paris haha. What's more, it states on my guest information that we are family friends of the Al Fayed family who own the hotel and I am exceptionally good friends with the heiress of the hotel, Camilla.

Once in my room I scrolled through my phonebook and phoned a man and requested that he came round immediately. Whilst I awaited him I checked my messages: Kyle I suggest you get back here immediately! How dare you defy me like that! Gabrielle wrote Uh oh.. You have certainly pushed all the right buttons now x another message read She's on the phone to Dad and he is going ballistic.. I have no idea why but this whole situation is rather amusing haha. Where are you? x I had an additional message saying Hahaha! I expected you to be at Elliot's house or somewhere but mother has just found out you've left the country. Meanwhile your sister is still scrubbing the floor! Swine. By the way; it might be wise that you don't answer your phone any time soon. Mother is just about ready to crucify you followed by decapitation and parading your head around the streets on a pole x. When my friend Jean arrived I opened the door and he said "My my Kyle.. How it is nice to see you!" I began kissing him to put a stop to his pointless talking and wasted no time in getting him into the bedroom haha.

By the time we had finished and I had evicted him it was around 9 pm and I messaged a couple of other friends teliing them I was back in Paris and wanted to do something. My friend Elle from school, former worker for Vogue and current worker for Chanel replied saying It's lovely to have you back... I'm going out with a few of the girls from Vogue this evening. You would go down a treat. Join us x. I decided I would go out but not drink... Anything to get my mind off my argument with my mother. I changed into Gucci pants and an Alexander McQueen shirt and a silver cardigan from Gucci. I had no longing to have my night ruined by messages from my parents thus I left my Blackberry in my hotel room and left. I entered the foyer of the hotel and told the concierge that they were in possession of my car keys. I left them there purposely so that I could obtain them at any time whilst in Paris. If I took them to London I would forget them when I came. Following this a driver took me the short distance to my apartment here in Paris. A present from my parents for my twenty second birthday which is currently under refurbishment, hence why I'm not staying there. Although, I have no checked on my progress of the apartment for quite a few months. Regardless it is where my Bentley (my birthday present from Gabrielle) is kept.

I collected Elle and drove us to the night club where I had an exceptionally good night. It was like a small reunion in the night club and I found that I knew an awful lot of the clientele in there. Of course, I found another person to sleep with and left early to take him back to The Ritz... The following morning I was woken by whispering in my ear and a certain something digging in my back haha. I'm sure you can guess how I spent the majority of my morning. In the afternoon I went to meet with my friend Jacques for lunch and had a catch up with him. I said that I'd pay for lunch and handed over my card. Once again she brought it back telling me it had been declined. I paid the bill in cash and left. I was now severely low on money as the cash I had brought with me had been spend on lunch and drinks the previous night. I asked the concierge what he could do and he gave me six hundred euros I thanked him and said "Just add it onto my room bill... My parents will pay it." I arrived in my suite and found my father sat in the living room on his laptop. I stopped when I saw him and turned around the leave again when he said "Kyle come here. Let's be reasonable now." I sat down next to my father and felt thirteen years old again when I would stay in this very hotel and my parents would ask me "Kyle why is it that school are telling us that you're being a bad influence on your class mates?" Only this time it was "Well firstly, what's done is done and dwelling on it shan't achieve anything. Yes I may have changed my tune somewhat after having time to think on that nine hour flight I had to get here to see you Kyle. Surely you understand why your mother reacted the way that she did" I nodded "Therefore Kyle, although you may not like it you were undoing the mess you had made. It is quite simple. Then for you to storm out and come to Paris is completely unacceptable." I began shouting and said "I beg your pardon!" however he told me to calm down and I continued "We all know that mother is going to purchase new carpet in all of those rooms were marks were made so I didn't believe there was any point in undoing that mess. I went about cleaning the garden without a single word as that shall remain, I cleaned the kitchen without moaning as that shan't be getting replaced either however slaving away completing the pointless chore or cleaning a carpet she has already decided she is going to dispose of is absolutely outrageous. Furthermore, it was not due to that why I left. It was because she said that I was no longer getting my car" when I said it aloud it sounded so brat like haha. My father said "Well primarily the conditions of you having that car were if you worked or not whether or not you played host to models and socialites so that deal still remains. Now your mother has calmed down and is with interior designers as we speak seeking new carpets and upholstery materials. I shall admit that we were both extremely angry when we found out and even more so when your mother saw it and sent me some images. However what's done is done, the house is getting redecorated and you are still, depending on your work ethic, getting your car. Ok?" He was being nice and I felt like the child from hell thus my eyes filled up and I apologised, he said "It's quite all right Kyle. Not to worry." He embraced me in his arms and hugged me for a while and told me how Gabrielle and my mother ended up having an argument too and then Gabrielle locked herself in the dance studio and put the music on and danced, completely ignoring my mother's presence... The house keeping staff ended up tidying the house. Whilst still hugging him I said "Oh you need to pay my bill here too" he pulled me out of his arms and to arms length and said "Oh I do do I?" I replied "Yes seeing as you cancelled my card I cannot charge it to your account myself so you shall have to do it. There's also an added charge of six hundred euros for some money which I loaned as I couldn't withdraw any in addition to room service et cetra. Oh and I took three hundred pounds out of your bedroom" My father laughed and said "I see your bad mood didn't curb your spending habits. It would be foolish of me to even think so."

I remained in Paris for two more days before returning to London for Elliot and Lee's birthdays. Within two days of one another Elliot turned 23 and Lee turned 22. I landed in London on Elliot's birthday and went to collect my car and drove home where I discarded of my luggage and telephoned him. I said the usual happy birthday and he told me his parents had purchased him a new apartment in Knightsbridge - an expensive address in London. Once I had acquired the details for my satellite navigation I got into my Porsche 911 and drove round. I passed his parents as they left the underground car park on my way in and made my way up to his apartment. As usual I had not purchased him anything, just as I wouldn't be buying Lee anything either. You may find this surprising as I seem to have no limits on my spending however, what do you buy for the people who have everything? My gift is usually a little more... Oral. Haha.

Once we had finished and, if you like, Christened the apartment he showed me around. When I arrived there I didn't really see anything other than Elliot and the bedroom haha. Nonetheless I was exceptionally pleased to be the first person he slept with in there, and on the first day he was in possession of it! The apartment was divine! It was a large sized three bedroom, four bathroom apartment decorated in plush white with fur rugs, cushions and throws, I said "So you weren't getting the hint so much that your parents had to purchase the apartment for you to get you out of the house... It must be hard being unloved" he laughed and said "Kyle... Your parents buy your houses overseas, first New York but you didn't move there followed by Paris with the hope that you may be more inclined to move away but a little closer to home, yet still you linger. At least they still want me to be in the same city my friend" normally I would have given him a slight punch on the arm however it was his birthday thus I refrained from doing so.

For the rest of the day I continued with my education in becoming a personal trainer and then invited my tutor, whom I have become good friends with, to come to Elliot and Lee's party with me. He said "I'd love to but I wouldn't want to impose and I would look significantly under dressed amongst your friends" I said "Oh be quiet, you can have something of mine or we can go to Harrods or somewhere this afternoon and what's more there is going to be more than eight hundred people there. I doubt they'll even realise you're present. You shall come and enjoy yourself."

Later that day Chris arrived at my hotel townhouse in his Jaguar XKR which I very kindly donated to him for the time he tutors me and knocked on the door. I let him in and asked whether he had eaten. Negative. I told him to order what he wanted from room service whilst I got in the shower. I shouted him upstairs once I was done and he walked into my room whilst I was wearing nothing other than a towel, he stopped in the doorway, turned and said "Oh, sorry Kyle" I laughed and said "It's quite alright, come in. Although I may be inclined to I am not about to pounce on top of you and drop my towel... Now, go into my wardrobe and pick out an outfit which you like." When I had changed into a pair of grey wool Alexander McQueen military trousers along with a white shirt from Dolce & Gabbana, brown braces from Jean Paul Gaultier, brown gloves from Jean Paul Gaultier and Vivienne Westwood pirate boots in brown and tan. Granted it was not an outfit everyone would be widely fond of however it was high fashion and on trend; all of the elite would be crawling out of their penthouses and inner city townhouses to attend this party so I had to look rather amazing. Chris chose a pair of black metallic jeans from Dior with a pair of silver shoes from Dolce & Gabbana and a white shirt from Gucci. I leant him a rolex and a wallet and then gave him a hundred and fifty pounds to buy drinks with.. Of course he refused however I told it was just incase, if he said my name at the bar he would get his drinks for free and Elliot's parents would pay the bill, however they don't do this for everyone... Out of past experience people seem to get far too intoxicated on cristal due to the free bar and the party turns into Pandemonium. I also invited Chris to stay at my house and take girls back with him if he liked, I did however forewarn him by telling him that the house often takes on the role of a brothel post parties haha.

We took a town car to the establishment where the big event was taking place and Chris went to join the back of the queue. I quickly grabbed his arm and walked with him straight to the front , I could hear my name being shouted from all directions as I passed the line to which Chris said "Jesus Christ.. Kyle. Not a single person here is ugly and every single one of them seems to know you" I smiled and said "Well enjoy.. You may get invited to such events of your own accord in future" the doorman who I had never seen before was stood holding a list which looked like the manuscript for a novel and I said "Good Evening, my name's Kyle McQuillan... I do believe I'm on the vip list" the man said "Yes you are... May I see some I.D please" I stared at him and said "I beg your pardon?" he said "Well we've already had three people claim to be a Miss Kelly Moss this evening and a further two saying that they're Gabrielle McQuillan.. So can you just prove that it's Kyle McQuillan stood before me" I showed him my driver's license and he lifted the rope, Chris however wasn't so lucky and I said "Erm excuse me, he's with me" the man said "Not according to the list" I replied "Yes well, I am vip according to that list and have been told by both hosts to bring anyone I wish. Now if you would like me to interrupt them in order to have them verify that for you then by all means I shall do so, however don't expect any future employment" he lifted the rope and I said "Hmm, I thought so much." Chris said "Jesus you gave him a mouthful, very well done though I must say" I laughed and replied "Well, I have power haha. If anyone says some horrible remark about never having seen you around before just say you're sleeping with me or Kelly. Neither of us will mind and it's likely that you would anyway but that ought to gain you a little respect haha."

The venue was spectacular, held in the establishment where many film premieres are held, the versatile space featured one main square bar in the centre of the room with blue lighting and an ice sculpture with several other smaller bars elsewhere. There was a stage which was currently vacant and blue illuminated dancefloor/walkways leading off that. There was plenty of seating around and many spaces in which to dance. It was, however, impossible to find anyone. At around half past twelve my mother text me and told me to come and find her. When I finally did so she was sat with my father, Oscar (Gabrielle's boyfriend who has lasted surprisingly long much to my dismay) and Elliot's parents. I'm sure Oscar despised every minute sat there but was trying to stay in the good books haha. My mother shouted "Kyle darling!" when she saw me and immediately threw her arms around me... Drunk. She was wearing a lovely camel coloured tank dress with fringe detailing on it, a pair of tights and Laboutin thigh high boots along with a pony skin clutch from Jimmy Choo. Honestly, she looked divine but I couldn't help myself in saying "That dress is lovely, I think I've seen someone else in it though" she laughed and said "Oh nice try Kyle, it's not even in the shops yet" I replied "Well how on earth have you acquired it then?" she replied "I have connections darling! You're just as bad as your sister. She told me not to linger on street corners and then waited for me to get half way up the stairs to change when she told me she was joking and hopes she has legs like mine at my age. Do you like my boots by the way?" she showed them to me and I nodded, she went on "They were only one thousand three hundred... Your Dad complained when I lead him into the illusion that they were only a thousand with the usual 'Oh camilla they will get worn once' it was a different story when he saw me in them I must tell you. My my, he was practically beggin-" I stopped her mid-sentance and said "Mother please!" she said "Oh yes dear, sorry. I completely forgot who I was talking to for a moment there. Don't tell him about the dress though, this was three thousand and this really will only be worn once. Everyone has seen me in it, he can't possibly expect me to wear it in public again.. I will take you shopping next week and treat you darling, Gabrielle too." Yes quite drunk. A moment or so later the dj said "Lee, there's someone who wants to say happy birthday in her own special way" and as much as I feared... There was Gabrielle on the stage, staring at Lee who was now stood on the bar with an intrigued audience following his gaze towards the stage. I would like to say she was wearing Lingerie but it was much worse. Wearing yet another pair of my mother's thigh high boots from Gucci along with garters and suspenders which were connected to her knickers and a studded hoodie. Her hood was pulled up over her face and she dropped down into splits, side on from the audience and bent over so her body was flat against her leg. I turned to my father who looked as though he had eaten sour grapes, Oscar looked half pleased half mortified and my mother was cheering and bellowing "Wooo!" haha. The song black and gold began to play and she, I suppose, came to life. Gradually she began moving from her start position and was touching her head with her foot whilst still in splits. Then, when the music properly began she simply closed her legs and forced herself up to standing, with a great cheer from the audience she began an array of quick complicated moves. After the second or third musical interlude Gabrielle withdrew a white towel or silk scarf or something from her pocket and coinciding with the music, whipped it and on came some friends behind her all with the same towel things in their mouths. Now, as I'm sure you can imagine, these were used to be purely provocative. Her hood was now down and as she used the towel a great smile spread across her face as the audience cheered her on. The dance finished with all of the dancers in a huddle in various positions, Gabrielle of course had her leg pointing towards the ceiling. Everyone cheered and Gabrielle began to speak on the microphone as the rest of her friends left the stage. She said "Thank you everyone haha. Lee darling come here.." Lee made his way onto the stage and stood next to her, she asked him whether he enjoyed and he laughed then said "Mmm... I'm trying not to enjoy it to much thus to avoid Kyle's fists" about a million heads turned towards me and Gabrielle said "That reminds me, may I just apologise in advance, father.. Kyle.. Oscar" Lee questioned "In advance?" she said "Yes dear, in advance" and began to laugh. She threw the microphone to someone off the stage and stood directly infront of Lee with her back to him, grabbed his hands and placed them on the front of her thighs. Now I was worried haha. I moved to next to my mother who was still cheering and Britney's Get Naked began to play about a minute into the song.

At first she was moving from side to side then flicking/whipping her hips towards his crotch. Pleasant. Then she placed one hand on top of his on her thigh and took the other one and began to undo the zip on her hoodie. When it was undone she removed it and bent quickly so that she was touching the floor and Lee was stood smirking with my sister bent at his crotch. She slowly and provactively came back up to standing to reveal an even worse outfit. It was now apparent that her knickers were part of a one piece which looked like a sort of swimsuit however was see through on the most part and had large bits cut out from either side, her arms had black distressed material criss-crossing from her bicep and finishing at her palm and her fellow dancers came out sporting much the same outfit, however some were wearing corsets, others knickers and bra with the material around their torso's. Gabrielle winked at the audience and then dropped into splits, shut her legs then slid through his and then rose, caressing him as she did so. The dancer's grouped around Lee pulling his head and teasing him in all different ways, they all turned and walked Lee backwards slightly and the girls danced their extremely fast choreographed piece around him. Gabrielle advanced on him once more and one of the girls kicked a chair which came to a halt behind Lee's knees and he sat down. Gabrielle mounted him and wrapped her legs around him then leant backwards so that her head was almost on the floor then shot back up, raised her leg to her head and span around. Whilst Gabrielle lead the dance another girl would entertain Lee. The dance it's self was exceptionally good - I suppose she had to make it appealing to the females slightly too haha. It featured many jumps and spins and then all the girls stood in a line with Gabrielle in the centre and danced with their behind's facing Lee, much to his delight, then Gabrielle turned and the girls grabbed her outstretched arms and walked with her towards Lee and she walked up his torso and then slid down so that one leg was on the floor and the other was over his shoulder. All of a sudden she had flipped backwards somehow and landed in the splits with one leg under his chair, his legs were spread with her head very close to his crotch and all of the other girls were holding his head, talking in his ear, forcing his arms behind him etc. and the song finished. My mother's cheers resembled a fifteen year old watching her favourite band or something and she laughed and said "Kyle.. Look at your father and Oscar" I turned and they were both sat looking extremely miserable - the look on their faces made me too erupt into a fit of laughter. I imagine I would have been sat with them if it had of been a completely random boy but it was Lee haha, Gabrielle sat on top of him and spoke on the microphone once more and said "May I just clarify that this is not a frequent occurrence" there was a great simultaneous "Arr" from the audience and she continued "As I'm sure you have all found it is extremely hard to buy for the people whom have everything. Lee's womanising is no secret and therefore I couldn't think of a greater gift to give him... Wouldn't you agree dear?" Lee said "Yes thank you.. I couldn't have asked for anything more!" someone shouted something and Gabrielle said "Oh, the boots are from Gucci... Can I just thank all of my fellow filthy dancers.. Lee stand up and give them a kiss" he smirked and something then Gabrielle said "Oh, unfortunately Lee is going to have to remain seated for a while... His mother is present." My father then appeared at my side and Lee took the microphone and said "Thank you very much I honestly could not have wished for more. May I give special thanks to the choreographer and to the costume designer haha... Girls you are all welcome to stay, although I may not know some of you it would be foolish of me to not get to know you, perhaps we can arrange a repeat performance in a little more privacy... Gabrielle not included of course, sorry Haz haha! Please grant me one more wish on my birthday though and stay dressed like that. And finally Happy Birthday Elliot, I do apologise as I seem to have stolen your thunder somewhat. Have a nice night everyone!" My father laughed at Lee's comment and Gabrielle disappeared off stage.

I resumed my mingling and was given several drinks and then came accross Lee and he shouted "Sex god! There you are!" I replied "Oh hello" he whispered in my ear "When are you going to give me my gift, if you know what I mean" I laughed and grabbed his crotch then whispered "Well I would do it now, however it takes far too long" the package in my hand was growing larger fairly rapidly much to my amusment and he said "Well how about a quick one now and then you give me the full gift another day?" I didn't take him on at first but he said "Kyle! Your sister has just nearly killed me.. I need to release some tension!" I laughed and said "Ok then.. Let's go and find somewhere. Not the powder room!" Lee and I walked through the mass of people and Lee was given drinks by countless people on the way. I drank a few, Lee the others and then we found a vacant room; presumably used for other functions and within minutes, there's no nice way of saying this, his pants were around his ankles and I was on my knees ha. Lee is very similar to me in that his sheer love of sexual acts means he will do them with anyone, given that they're attractive of course. I myself, as you all know, am a homosexual however I will frequently take part in intercourse with my friend Kelly because the sex we have together is good, likewise with Lee, he's straight but I'm good therefore I often oblige, yet he is straight haha.

When we returned to the party I had the delightful post oral sex taste in my mouth and went directly to the bar for a tequila shot complete with lemon. Whilst stood there I was bought a cocktail by someone and then someone told me how "fit" my mother was. I groaned and turned to see my mother and Gabrielle (who was now wearing a lovely leather dress from Miu Miu with black bondage style Laboutin booties and an Alexander McQueen clutch with a leather glove attached) dancing whilst every single man stood in close proximity stared, regardless of whether they had their arms wrapped around a girlfriend or not haha. As I passed the crowd I saw a girl scowl at Gabrielle and my mother and then turn back towards her friends, I then realised who it was... Olivia Jones! Ugh how I despise her. She slept with Gabrielle's ex-boyfriend of two years and then took great pleasure in informing everyone that she had done so. When Gabrielle and Jake split up she found the situation highly amusing. With that I slept with her boyfriend (he was straight but I am seductive haha) and sent her a picture of him lying naked in my bed - the man in question attempted to punch me for doing so but as long as I had succeeded in annoying her I didn't mind. Following that, at a party she told people that I had Chlymidia or something which infuriated me somewhat however out of nowhere a male was audible on the microphone who said "May I just inform everyone that Kyle does not have any STI's what so ever as I slept with him last night" people began shouting random things and the man said "Oh and Charles the night before, Daniel the night before that and Robert this morning... All of whom are sharing the same opinion. It is just some sad loser spreading crap as they have nothing better to do and are evidently jealous of Kyle's marvellous sex life." All the while I stood staring at Olivia laughing at her futile attempt to ruin my sex life. As the saying goes, pay back is a bitch. Thus, when someone annonymously sent me a sex tape of her I took great pleasure in having a couple of hundred copies made and sent them out to people who I knew, ensuring they knew who the person was who featured in the dvd. Of course this was highly humiliating for her as she was extremely poor in bed and was boasting rather foul cellulite. I'm sure you can imagine, she now despises both me and Gabrielle and she was extremely thrilled to see us. I said "What on earth are you doing here? Surely you weren't invited" she looked me up and down and said "Oh, I was wondering when I'd see you. You and that sister of yours tend to make a habit of making yourselves the centre of attention, with her dancing now and that performance on stage" I laughed and said "Oh Olivia darling, don't let jelousy turn you bitter... You could always go and do your own rendition on stage however we would all be staring at you for completely different reasons to what we were staring at Gabrielle for. Of course your sex appeal was anailated when we all had a viewing of that ghastly sex tape of yours. Anyway, I must go, people here actually like me and wish to talk to me.. Just stick to your rather confined circle of friends, oh and a little advice between friends... The alcopops aren't going to aid with your long lasting fight against cellulite dear. Have a nice night" she looked as though she was going to explode when I walked away and I immediately text Kelly saying Olivia Jones is here! Who's she sleeping with? Kelly replied saying What on earth is she doing here?! I don't know but I'll send over one of the girls to 'see how she is and catch up' and then report back. Come and find me xx

Whilst I was with Kelly and Kayleigh I was kissed by several men and bought numerous beverages so as you can imagine I became increasingly intoxicated. I can't remember what I was doing but I was kissed by someone else on my way through the crowd and when I stopped my father was stood right next to me, I said "Oh, hello father" the man who I had just kissed "Well... He is better than they say! I know where you get it from Kyle" and he walked away whilst I was slightly mortified, as soon as that had happened a group of girls walked by and said "Hey Haz" one by one and winked at him, completely ignoring me although it was I who was their friend ha. He asked "Do you know where your mother is" I said "Look for the group of twenty year old boys and she's probably in the midst of it with Gabrielle" I had a quick look and there was my mother on the opposite side of the bar with a group of men, most of whom were models, doing shots. One of the men in particular she was doing such things with at my birthday party, his name is Mat Gordon and she refers to him as "the man who clicks on that advert!" Imbecile. My father asked "Who was that boy who you just kissed right in the middle of the dance floor" I slurred "I don't know, I didn't really see his face" my father's face dropped and I quickly did some damage control and blurted "his name was Frank!" Where that came from I will never know, my father just looked at me rather bizarrely and walked away.

I finally found Elliot after goodness knows how many hours and asked him if he was having a nice time, judging by his intoxicated state and the vast array of men around him I guessed he was haha. I saw Gabrielle stood laughing rather hysterically, what appeared to be, on her own. I went over and asked if she was ok and she simply turned me around and there I saw all of Gabrielle's dancing friends (still sporting their sexual outfits) stood around a fairly good looking man. I didn't see what could be so amusing about that until I saw Olivia Jones attempting to pull the man away from them all and trying to pull his head towards her. Olivia saw me and Gabrielle who were finding the situation highly amusing and stormed over to us, Gabrielle straightened and said "Having a good night?" Olivia shot back "This is all your doing. Do you think this is funny? Would you like me to go and find your boyfriend and seduce him" Gabrielle laughed again and said "Darling by all means do your best. It would, however be a wasted effort. You see, I wouldn't ever be attracted to a male whose standards allowed such vermin in their lives. You know, I could have you removed as you weren't invited and came as a plus one however I simply enjoy your presence too much! Not only do I admire seeing you stand out amongst the crowd and the constant talk of your horrendous sex tape behind your back but you make me look much prettier, it's evident to everyone that by us standing side by side that the guests go from overwhelmingly unkempt to well, near perfection" Olivia now didn't have a leg to stand on and said "What makes you think you're so great!" Gabrielle shot back "I wouldn't expect you to comprehend such an ego as evidently, with such an appearance it is completely unobtainable. Here is five pounds darling, go and buy yourself a drink. Of course Cristal is for those who boast class... An alcopop will do you just fine." Gabrielle started to walk away and then turned and laughed then said "Look I've done it again... Managed to ruin your chances with another male. Such a shame, they must be hard to come by" Gabrielle walked away and Olivia stamped her foot and screamed a little at the sight of her boyfriend with his tongue in Gabrielle's friend's mouth she turned to me and glared and I said "We're just pursuing the vendetta which you began. My friends and I shall do our best to wipe you off the social scene don't worry. Already you've missed how many fashion week's and sneaked in to how many parties as a plus one due to lack of invitation? Again, have a good night, you ought to make the most of them whilst they last, especially now that your membership at Maddox amongst others has been revoked - you see.. My friends and I really are getting rid of you." She looked like she was about to cry which was quite pleasing and I went to join in with the rest of the fun. Completely unfazed by the little argument we'd just had I danced and slapped hands away from my mother's bottom as though nothing had ever happened haha. Lee came over to my mother at one point and said "Can I have a birthday kiss Camilla?" My mother turned to him and kissed him on either cheek and he said "No a proper one" my mother stumbled a little then said "Lee, for the umpteenth time you are friends with my children and I have a husband" Lee said "So! Don't allow that to prevent your fun. Just a little kiss on the lips" Gabrielle was saying "Do it mother!" and Kayleigh's mother was saying "Woo! Camilla.. Live like your daughter would, she has a boyfriend and gave the boy a lap dance!" Gabrielle slapped her arm slightly and my mother said "Ok then" she turned to Lee and he placed his hands on her bum, she immediately moved them to her waist and said "I wonder how many times you have used this excuse this evening. It shall last no longer than a single second" and then, to my sheer horror, she kissed him! I don't believe their mouths opened thankfully and once finished Lee looked exceptionally pleased with himself and he became the envy of many men. My mother smiled at him and then her smile dropped and she said "Not as good as my husband I'm afraid." Lee laughed and said "Well, I'm no match for old Haz... Look at him there with all the models from Victoria Secret haha." I am oblivious as to why my parents seem to be at the centre of attention when there is a gathering between my friends and I. Such things happened at both mine and Gabrielle's birthdays!

As the night went on people were beginning to think about who they wished to take home. As a result, I was being given drinks, whispers in my ear, the occasional person grabbed my hand and thrust it on their crotch or bum all in the hope that I would take them home haha. Mat Gordon, the male model from 'the click advert' as my mother would say, the rest of us know it as Pacco Rabanne's one million aftershave, asked me whether my mother ever cheated on my father - I assured him she did not and added "I was wondering whether you ever gave a little leniency with regards to your sexuality... You look like Christian Bale and I personally watch American Psycho with the belief that it's pornographic material as opposed to a horror film. My goodness he is so attractive! Well, the offer is there, personally I think you'd be a fool to refuse haha" he laughed and said "You say that to me every single time you're drunk Kyle. I know I'm attractive but I'm a supermodel, I'm out of your league!" I laughed and said "Oh you swine" and kissed him then said "Oh, not much resisting me then.. Don't deny yourself!" he replied "I was just seeing what all of the hype was about when it comes to you... No comment on my findings haha" he winked at me and I walked away. It kills me that he's straight!

For the next couple of hours I listened to Kayleigh's mother slur how I shouldn't be a personal trainer and how she could find me a job within Vogue or GQ in a heartbeat, I wasn't really listening to her I'll be honest, I was keeping an eye on all of the men haha. My mother took her dancing and I went and made another circuit of the crowd.

Whilst I was talking to prospective sleeping partners I noticed that Gabrielle seemed to be a little stressed talking to Chloe Kelly and Kayleigh. I went over and asked what was wrong and whilst Gabrielle claimed it was nothing Kelly said "Oscar is in a mood with her because of her little stage performance... I suggested she used this as an excuse to get rid of him however she simply won't listen" I replied "I'll go and talk to him if you like. Kelly you can come with me" she shouted "NO! You will either punch him or tell him I said it's over. Kyle please" arr haha. I couldn't help but hug her she looks adorable when she's upset haha. Kelly said "Well why don't you just make yourself feel a bit better and sleep with someone else? I have had people coming up to me all night long asking about your relationship status and whether you cheat on your boyfriend. That little dance went down a treat with everyone except for that loser of a boyfriend of yours" I spotted Elliot with an exceptionally good looking man and said "I do apologise but who is that Elliot's with? I recognise him and I must say.. I am rather jealous!" Gabrielle gasped and said "Oh my god! It's that sex on a stick from Britney's Womanizer video." Quite right it was and I could not have given him a better description myself. I had no idea either Lee or Elliot were friends with him; if I had of been aware of the fact I would have made myself known haha.

An hour or so later at around 4 o'clock I must have decided to finally make a decision on who to take home (this part of the evening is a somewhat haze.) I do however recall someone approaching me from the bar, grabbing my crotch and start to kiss me. Whilst he was doing so I felt another pair of hands on my buttocks and the same person kiss my neck... Time to leave! One of the men was called Kris Kranz and the other Tyler Bachtel (both international models - I'm sure if you google them they'll come up.) I didn't waste much time at all and telephoned a car to come and collect me immediately. The journey home I recall being somewhat intimate, I was being groped and pulled in all directions haha. That said, I certainly wasn't complaining. Once we arrived at my townhouse, as I'm sure you can imagine, I was extremely eager to get inside and when we walked in I could hear all sorts of noises, I walked into the kitchen and Kelly was sprawled on the breakfast table with her legs spread whilst in the company of a naked man haha. Upstairs a friend of mine Carl was in one bedroom, Kayleigh was in the other, Chloe was with two men in another, Lily (Donaldson) was in another bedroom being extremely loud and had a little conversation about work with the men I was with when they saw one another. When I walked into the last bedroom I could hear noise coming from I opened the door to see two girls and a man lying flat on his back. I walked a little closer and shouted "Chris has acquired sleeping partners!" I spoke to the girls, asked them how they were and told them how I hadn't seen them all night. We arranged to do lunch and then she said "Sorry, Kyle, can we talk in the morning... I've got my hands full" my my she did. Christopher is rather well endowed haha. To cut a long story short, I made a complete imbecile of myself getting undressed by falling over - not all that flattering I'll be honest and then had an excellent night! People were leaving my house when we were mid- way through! haha.

The following morning I was woke by one man straddled over my chest kissing me whilst the other concentrated on pleasing me from the waist down haha. Again, it was a few hours until we were finished and by which time everyone had left. I took the two men's numbers before they left and added them to my little black book before going to my parent's house. Upon my entrance I realised that the stairs were lacking in carpet and the walls were bare - no paintings... Oops. I went through to the living room, fearing the worst and yes, there was no seating, no carpet and no curtains. I looked out into the garden and all of the grass had also been replaced. My father entered behind me and said "How are you feeling this morning?" I told him I wasn't all that bad, merely tired and he replied "Well I have been better... It's those shots I was having with those girls haha. Me and your mother are talk of the younger generation my son. You ought to be proud of having parents like us" I said "Father please, you're quite the embarrassment and to be frank it makes me cringe. I am oblivious to what any of them see in you" he said "I'm not.. I'm quite the catch Kyle haha.. Where is that sister of yours by the way?" I told him I had no idea and the front door opened then slammed without a word followed by the sound of heels stomping up the stairs and a bellow of "Why is there still no carpet on these wretched stairs?! Every single sodding footstep is audible!" her bedroom door then slammed and my father said "Ah.. It seems I spoke to soon. I was quite enjoying the peace, but no, the children arrive!" I asked what was wrong with her and he said "I have no idea.. We shall soon know. If she's hungover or tired she will remain in her room, if she's in a mood about something she will go to the dance studio" her bedroom door opened followed by yet another slam and her coming down the stairs, she completely ignored both of us and went down to the lower ground floor, my father then said "If she's dancing to classical music and performing ballet then she's upset... If it's R and B or something similar then she's usually angry haha. I know the pair of you too well. Your moods are so frequent that I can decipher what is wrong with you without even a word" I replied "Oh fascinating father. Do you honestly not have anything better to do with your time? Where's Mum?" he replied "Well apparently the old paintings didn't match the new carpet which is arriving tomorrow so she has gone to a few galleries in search of new art. We're leaving for New York again tomorrow. Are you staying here or joining us?" I told him I would remain in London and perhaps take a trip to Paris to see my apartment. The phone began to ring indicating an internal phone call and my father said "Ok, I shall be right down dear" he hung up "It's your mother, she has several paintings in the car and can't lift them." I went with my father to the lower level, past Gabrielle who was leaping around the dance studio, past the gym, the pool and the changing rooms and into the garage. My mother was stood by the Audi Q7 with the boot open on the phone. She was wearing a pair of distressed black jeans, some Christian laboutin booties which had folded over leopard skin interior, a plain tee, Ysl sunglasses and a rather short puffy fur coat. I stroked her coat and she put the phone down, I asked her if it was vintage and she replied "Oh no, I purchased it from Burberry a couple of days ago... It's Rabbit!" My father said "Jesus Camilla... How many have you purchased?" my mother smiled and said "Enough for a couple spare.. We can always take them to other properties. I was thinking of taking one to the townhouse actually. You are so miserable, never mind oh thank you Camilla for trapsing around London all morning long thus our home can look delightful" he apologised and kissed her and then said "How many thousands was it today then?" My mother didn't answer this question and instead turned on the spot and said "They're not going to bring themselves upstairs you know... What's Gabrielle in a mood about?" My mother went and spoke to her whilst me and my father carried the 8 pictures upstairs. My mother came up a few minutes later and said "Kyle dear.. I'll take you and your sister shopping for winter clothes now if you wish. I suggest you go and get changed." I went upstairs to my bedroom to see what clothes I had with me and didn't really have all that much luck. I put on a pair of slim Dolce & Gabbana jeans along with a pair of vintage Gucci military boots and a plain white t-shirt. I picked out some rather large Gucci sunglasses and then went upstairs to my father's wardrobe to see what else I could find. I picked out a rather nice Dolce & Gabbana leather jacket which I put on and then stole his gold Hermes watch and went downstairs. Gabrielle was already downstairs which was rather surprising wearing a tight knitted dress along with a skull scarf both from Alexander McQueen, two tone tights and black heels from Chanel and a Hermes birkin handbag. My mother picked up her Chanel bag and asked which car we wanted to go in. I said "The Bentley and can I drive.. I can't cope when you do" she said "I suppose but only if you go slow."

Gabrielle's mood had vanished and I was becoming increasingly excited about the prospect of our shopping trip. I simply adore this bi-annual excursion we make, shopping for the new season! We arrived at Bond street and went in almost every shop. We started off in Armani where I purchased some shirts and my mother got some work clothes; following that we went into D&G.. Well that took quite a while. Whilst I waited for my mother and Gabrielle I counted three pairs of jeans, seven jumpers , six shirts, five pairs of jogging bottoms, about twelve t-shirts, four hoodies and three new leather jackets haha. My mother came and found me with all of the garments piled over my shoulders and arms and said "Christ Kyle what have you picked out?" I showed her and she said "Kyle my love, this spree is supposed to be for winter clothes, not lounge wear" as she picked up my tracksuits, I replied "Very well then. Why have you picked out this little black dress? Priced at one thousand two hundred pounds, hardly going to keep you warm in the winter months mother" she said "Yes very well, get them" Gabrielle appeared with a man carrying all the things she had chosen and they too were added to the little mountain waiting to be scanned. Next it was Diesel where each of us took our time trying on Denim etc. and then I stood with an arm full of clothing awaiting my mother who came out with two pairs of jeans and Gabrielle who had more than I. We dropped it all onto the desk where the till was and Gabrielle and I waited for our mother to pay. I then got several knitwear items from Ralph Lauren and then it was time for Jimmy Choo. Oh my life it was boring. I think Gabrielle must have tried on every single pair in the shop. I couldn't leave as I was attempting to stay in my mother's good books so I stayed and nodded when I felt it necessary. Due to the fact that my mother and sister required so much attention and were quite obviously prepared to spend a lot of money in the store the staff in Jimmy Choo closed the shop haha. Between them they got ten pairs of shoes, seven handbags and two pairs of sunglasses. As you can imagine, we were now overloaded with bags my mother said "I feared this would happen.." and handed the majority of hers to me. I had such a vast amount that I occupied the entire width of the pavement haha. We then went into Burberry, a new obsession of mine haha. I purchased three scarves, four snoods, a new leather trench coat, six items of knitwear and an umbrella. Gabrielle had picked out all the same scarves as me in addition to one made from Rabbit and several dresses and coats (one of which was goat and rabbit fur - the cost = £2,500... She gets so much more than me!) My mother paid and then we walked outside, sideways, and there were three men stood wearing black suits and sunglasses. My mother said "Ah, gentlemen. Thank goodness you're here. Here you go, do follow" she handed them her bags and Gabrielle did likewise, thus, as did I. We crossed the road and went into Hermes and my mother said "Well that's a lot simpler having no bags to contend with" I asked her who those men were and she said "Oh they're body guards, I sometimes use them when I go on business trips to places I deem as being all that safe. They do have multiple purposes though" My mother and Gabrielle looked at the new handbags and both placed orders for Haute a courroies (HAC) bags and at over seven thousand pounds each.. This wasn't a cheap visit either. Next we went into Louis Vuitton where I purchased a couple of bags and a piece of Jewellery. My mother and Gabrielle purchased countless things, ranging from scarves to bags to shoes and agendas. We then went to Celine which didn't take long but still cost a substantial amount of money. Following this we went to Chanel, Ysl, Gucci, Prada, Gina, Dolce & Gabbana and Alexander McQueen. Of course it goes without saying that people could not draw their eyes away from us. People were stopping and staring, the occasional tourist would take a picture of us, people would nudge one another as we passed all in the while hoping that we were someone in the public eye haha. Thankfully not.

By the end of the spree, each of the men assisting us had countless bags as did Gabrielle, myself and my mother. As we had now walked a fair way from where we parked the car my mother said "Oh we'll just walk to The Ritz and I'll get us a chaufffeur to the car.. I cannot be bothered walking." My mother went inside whilst Gabrielle and I waited outside and seconds later she came out saying "Here we are, get into this one" we put all the bags we could possibly fit into the boot of the car and sat in the seats whilst the men piled them on top of us. Neither of us could move or see. Once at the car we went through the ordeal of getting them into The Bentley and yet again had to put them on knees and on the floor haha.

Once at home Gabrielle got wedged in every single door trying to get into the house and set all of the bags down in the drawing room on the second floor. My father said "Oh, successful day then" Gabrielle replied "Yes extremely." We dined out that evening prior to my parent's and Gabrielle's return to New York. Once they had left I continued with my training towards becoming a Personal Trainer. At the end of a lengthy session of me being the A student that I am Chris said "Now, I would advise that you get yourself a job in a gymnasium somewhere here in London whilst we near the end of your course." I immediately sent an e-mail to my mother's personal trainer, Tracy Anderson and she said she would come to the house when she was free the following day.

A couple of days later I had a written reference from Tracy herself and had acquired a job at a gym in London and was beginning my first day. I put on a Dolce & Gabbana tracksuit and went to the gym and was told what to do etc. I was then given a rather foul uniform and told to go and change. Well, I had no intentions of doing so and ignored that little instruction and merely put my bag in the locker and went into the gym area to be told what to do. I was immediately asked to do some gym work so that my manager could assess my fitness levels and therefore, if neccessary, I could be allocated the more demanding clients. I took off my hoodie so that I was wearing my lyra gym top and began running on the treadmill. I do believe my manager thought I was going to run and talk to him whilst he assessed me however I had no intentions of doing so what so ever and instead put my ipod in. I did wonder when he was going to allow me to stop and after an hour he said "Ok that's fine.. Now if you would like to follow me to spinning" I mounted the spinning bike and set it on gear 20 to begin with and had another hour long session before I was asked to go back on the treadmill for another forty minutes. I did so willingly and at the end of it he said "Well it's evident from this that you are extremely fit Kyle. Your heart rate has remained fairly low throught that considering the amount you have done and you aren't showing many signs of being remotely tired. Excellent. I will be extremely glad to have you as part of this team." I wasn't paying any attention what so ever... I was told my working hours for the following day and said there was a lady coming in who was beginning a personal training course... I could not wait.

The following day I arrived twenty minutes late (the queue in Starbucks was rather long) and went to the Personal Training desk wearing an adidas tracksuit which was much more attractive than the uniform the other members of staff were wearing. I introduced myself and spoke to everyone before the manager came in, he said "Oh good morning Kyle, nice and punctual on your first day" I just smiled and he said "Remind me of your surname" I told him it was McQuillan and he said "That wouldn't happen to be your Bugatti parked on the car park would it?" I tutted and said "Oh for goodness sake. I hate that wretched number plate, I can't get away with anything. It's actually my father's but he's currently living in New York so, while the cat's away..." one of them said "Oh my god. What do your parents do?" I replied "Oh I don't really pay all that much attention. They're in Real Estate and the stock market and construction. This is the first job I've ever had" they all laughed, I have no idea what at and then one of the girls said "I knew you weren't like the rest of us. You're the only one who doesn't have a London accent" ... Thank goodness. I endured their fuss over my father's car and then the lady arrived whom I was expected to get in shape. She was very pretty, had blonde hair and was wearing a velour tracksuit from Juicy Couture. I sat down with her and weighed her, asked her a few questions and got to know her a little. She was twenty six and is getting married in February before settling down to have children. I said "Oh my. You're only four years older than I and the thought of settling down some time soon evokes feelings of fear haha." The session lasted quite a while and Casey and I got on extremely well, she had booked another session for the following day so I said I'd see her then.

Two days later after yet another day working the threat which my mother inflicted upon me of not having my Aston Martin came back to me and scared me somewhat. I went to Gabrielle's wardrobe in my house and looked through her shoes. I found a pair of unboxed YSL Trib two heels and put them into a YSL bag and went and got into my Lambourghini and drove to my parent's London office. Once there the receptionist granted me access and I asked someone to guide me to my father's office. Once in there, as I had hoped, his personal assistant was sat behind her desk on the phone. I took a seat and waited and when she hung up she said "Mr. McQuillan, what can I do for you? You're parents are in-" I said "Oh no I'm here to see you... I was wondering if you knew anything about the Aston Martin my father is getting me?" she said "I am not in a position to discuss such things with you unfortunately without permission from either your mother or father" from past experience I had anticipated this. I put the bag on her desk and she looked inside then said "Kyle.." I replied "Look at them before you begin complaining" she opened the shoe box and admired the shoes and said "I have been looking at these on your mother for months! Well... I shan't tell you but let me just send this e-mail and then I'm going to get a cofee... In my new shoes." Once she had left I took her seat and typed my criteria into the search box. Sure enough several e-mails came up; I read a couple and then one which said Confirmation of order placed for Mr Harold McQuillan. Aston Martin One-77... along with all of the specifications!! I became overwhelmingly excited and more or less skipped out of the office haha.

That afternoon Chris came round to continue teaching me and as usual, my attention span was short, he asked "Kyle, are you paying any attention what so ever?" I told him I wasn't and said "I'm bored.. What can we do?" he said "I don't know Kyle... Finish this perhaps?" I was talking to Kayleigh on my Blackberry Messenger who shared my thoughts and said Let's go to Paris! I suggested it to Chris and he was like a child at Christmas haha. I told Kayleigh we would come and she said Marvellous.. I shall have an assistant book a jet. I'll get a helicopter to the airport I think x I got an e-mail ten minutes later of jet confirmation, leaving at 7 pm. It was now 2. I told Chris and he said "...We're going on a jet?" haha. I told him to come upstairs whilst I looked for clothes and went into a spare bedroom to get some suitcases... They were all full. Marvellous. I opened every trunk to reveal a mass of clothing and began to sort it out. I had two piles, one for the dry cleaners and the other for the charity shop. I told Chris he could look through the piles and he fished out more or less everything and asked what was wrong with it I shrugged and said "I don't know.." You can go and look in the wardrobe in the next room - they're all clothes I've worn on nights out and I doubt I'll wear again... Take some garments if you wish.

When the time came to I had packed rather a lot (8 cases) and had a chauffeur take me to Chris' house to collect him. There were two cars, the one I was being driven in which had three of my trunks in the boot and the car behind which had luggage on the backseats and filling the boot. Chris opened the car door and said "Is the second car for me or am I in here with you?" I told him he was in here and he needed to put his bag somewhere. He opened the boot of the car and promptly shut it, he then went to the car behind and opened that boot, closing it straight away again, he then opened the car door of the other Mercedes and came back to my car with his case and said "Kyle, I feel I have underpacked. Where the hell am I supposed to put this case?" I looked up from my Blackberry and saw his small case and Nike holdall which he was taking and immediately felt sorry for him haha I said "Oh I don't know... The driver will do it."

Once at the airport we were greeted by airport staff who took control of my two luggage trollies I was about to kill small children with whilst I looked after my holdall haha. Someone also took Chris' case for him which he became rather excited about, he asked "Kyle, what is the procedure when travelling via jet?" I smiled and said "You shall see.." We walked straight through to security and got into an invitation only queue. As usual I had to more or less strip, then our little entourage lead the way through departures onto the tarmack and drove us to our jet. We got on board whilst the airport staff loaded our luggage onto the plane and found Kayleigh sat in an armchair on the phone. Within five minutes the luaggage was all loaded and the doors were closed for takeoff. Chris said "Oh my goodness.. That is so much easier than travelling commercially. That took less than twenty minutes." Kayleigh said "Don't talk to him now, that is unless you want a mouthful. Kyle here isn't the most pleasant on a flight, especially during take off and landing."

When we arrived in Paris we were collected more or less on the runway by three chauffeured cars and got in asking one another where we were staying Kayleigh said "My mother's secretary made us a reservation for two suites at The Crillon... We have the Louis and a presidential" I replied "Well I need to check on the progress in my apartment thus if that is in a fit state then I shall stay there and you two can reside at The Crillon. Failing that however, I shall share a suite with you Kayleigh as I imagine you will be taking the larger of the two." Chris said "I feel awful, would you like some money towards it Kayleigh?" she laughed and said "Don't be so absurd, it's fine" Chris said "Are you sure, I don't mind" I replied "Chris... A presidential suite is four thousand euros per night" Kayleigh was now on the phone to her mother and he said "Kyle! I cannot let her pay that for me" I replied "Oh do be serious. The girl makes me look poor! What's more her mother is a regular client between here and The Ritz so I imagine she got a special rate. Just be quiet and let your hair down."

When we arrived at the hotel people immediately began getting our luaggage out of the three cars and taking it inside, when we walked in the manager approached Kayleigh and said "Miss Barrack! 'ow are you?" she smiled and said "Very well thank you, could you please ensure that my friend here is well looked after. It is his first time in The Crillon and I feel it is crucial that you make a good first impression" he said "Of course, there is champagne in your suites waiting. 'Ow is your mother? She comes in two days!" We were issued keys and wished a nice afternoon and got into the lift. We took Chris to his suite first and he said "Oh wow!" and Kayleigh said "Well just freshen up a little, order some room service, eat from the mini-bar what ever, don't hold back simply because I'm paying and then come up to our suite. It's on the top floor."

Once in our room the mass of luggage was delivered and then I phoned The Ritz and told them to bring my car to me. I leave it there as it seems the safest place and that way I won't forget my keys haha. The concierge phoned me a couple of minutes later and said "Mr McQuillan there is a Bentley here for you." I asked them to park it and walked to my apartment, just a short distance away on the Rue de Rivoli. When I entered the apartment had completely changed. The marble which I handpicked from samples had been laid in the foyer and an antique table had been placed in the centre. Various pieces of art decorated the walls and through one of the archways I could see a new living area. I took a little explore at my Paris meets Park Avenue decor and admired all of the new furnishings, including my four poster bed haha. The only thing which wasn't complete in the apartment was the building work being done one of the bedrooms in order to change it into a walk-in wardrobe and what's more my dining table had not yet arrived.

For the rest of the time in Paris we had nights out, met with friends, dined and shopped. Kayleigh's mother flew in for work comittments and with her she brought my dog (as she was coming from New York) thus many of my days were filled with two 7 mile runs with Maddox. On the 17th of August Gabrielle messaged me saying You have to come to this party with me Kyle! Jackie is booking you a flight as we speak! x I received flight confirmation informing me of my departure that evening from Paris to JFK and began packing my belongings. Kayleigh and Chris had already departed for London by this point thus I was travelling alone.

When I arrived in New York the following day along with Maddox I had someone from The Plaza come and collect me and take me to my apartment. When I opened the door I was in sheer horror at the state of my apartment. As I waded my way through the bags in the hallway I entered the living area to see suitcases and trunks with clothes spilling out, shopping bags littering the floor, shoes thrown and garments on every surface. Gabrielle enetered behind me with Oscar and said "Kyle! You're here!" I stood whilst she hugged me and then she walked in, dropped her Louis Vuitton dance bag on the floor, removed her boots and kicked them to the side and then threw her handbag onto a side table. I questioned Gabrielle about the state of my apartment and she said "Oh they're all garments though, it's easier for me to see what I've got when it's all spread out." I sent a message to a friend of mine in the city and said I have just arrived at my apartment in New York... What are your plans for this afternoon? he almost immediately replied I'll be round in 10. I asked Gabrielle to leave and she said "Oh Kyle honestly!" I replied "Gabrielle please save it. I have just been on a nine hour flight. Can you take Maddox with you?" she reluctantly agreed and said "Oh actually I shall take him for a run. May I leave Bambi with you?" her annoying little Pomeranian was running around the place as usual and she bent down and spoke to Maddox like a child, telling him how she was going to take him on a proper run, not a rubbish one like Kyle takes him on... She really is a special girl haha. Once she had left I quickly got into the shower so that I felt a little more alluring for when my friend arrived. He did so sooner than I imagined and I answered the door wearing nothing but a towel, he stood there and smiled for a moment and then stepped forward and immediately started kissing me. I dropped the towel as I held his behind and shut the door... Our eagerness prevented us from making it to the bedroom and instead we opted for the settee.

When we had finished I looked at my phone to see a message from my mother saying Honestly Kyle! You hadn't even been in the city half an hour! Come round once you've put a stop to your despicable actions x. Thank you Gabrielle! ha. I took a town car to my parent's townhouse on the Upper East side and was greeted coldly by both of my parents, my mother said "Oh, finished have we?" whilst my father said "Clear where your priorities lie Kyle... The first thing that springs to mind when you arrive in the city where your parent's reside-" I said "Father, it is a need which has to be fulfilled... You and mother can wait. I was correct in thinking you'd still be here a couple of hours later." I went and found Gabrielle and asked her the details of the party I was accompanying her to. I was informed that my parent's were now also attending, marvellous - a family outing! and that it was the Premiere for a fly on the wall documentary following Anna Wintour entitled The September Issue. It sounded rather exciting and she said "Well I got two sets of invitations, Sienna (Miller) sent us some and then Marc (Jacobs) sent me one along with a plus one!" I wondered what I could wear and simultaneously Gabrielle said "Look at my dress! It was returned from being altered this morning" she showed me a lovely sleeveless Preen dress with multi-pannel pattern.

When the day arrived I took my things to my parent's townhouse to get ready. When I arrived Gabrielle was walking around the house in her underwear with rollers in her hair and my mother was stressing over clothing. It was between her Balmain quilted leather skirt (two and a half thousand pounds) an Emmanuel Ungaro dress (£2,300) or a Balmain mini dress which was covered entirely in sequins and had high peaking shoulder pads. I asked her how much she had spent on the lovely Balmain dress and she said "Oh, I think it was seven thousand..." My father walked in behind us and said "Camilla.." My mother winced and said "Yes dear?" he replied "Do tell me you haven't spent seven thousand pounds on a dress you are contemplating wearing to this event this evening and as a result of doing so you will never wear again" she smiled and said "Yes dear, that's precisely what I've done" he began to moan and she said "Oh do be quiet Harold. It won't just be worn once... Gabrielle might wear it" he finished "Yes once just like her mother" she replied "Yes of course. You may complain but I don't think you would like it all that much if people were coming over to you informing you that your wife looked like a frump wearing the same thing she always does as opposed to the twenty year olds who tell you of their envy towards you" she walked into her dressing room with the dress and came out looking splendid. With a deep V neck going between her breasts my father looked at her to continue arguing his case and was speechless, she winked at me and asked "So Harold... Was it worth the money? I was considering wearing it with my thigh high boots" he looked up at her and walked towards her, placed both hands on her bum and said "Oh Camilla-" I was repulsed and immediately left their bedroom, ensuring I closed the door behind me.

I went and spoke to Gabrielle for a while whilst she had her makeup done and I had my hair cut by the little entourage who had inhabited the townhouse. I usually delay my preparation otherwise I end up waiting around for my mother and Gabrielle. After about an hour or so my mother came back into the giant bathroom, now in her dressing gown and said "I need my makeup redoing and can you fix my hair please" I stared at her and said "Oh that is foul" whilst Gabrielle said "Oh mother.. Your children are just downstairs. Honestly!" she just laughed and said "Oh do be quiet the pair of you" I made my way to my bedroom and my father passed me on the landing looking rather happy and tried to hug me however I dodged him and said "Please don't touch me father" haha.

When we were finally ready we had two chauffeurs come and collect us. My mother had chosen her Balmain dress along with some Giuseppe Zanotti swarovski embellished heels and an oversized Lanvin clutch; Gabrielle had accessorised her Preen dress with a Chanel clutch, Marc Jacobs ankle boot heels with metal embellishment on the heel and a pair of quilted leather elbow length gloves. I had chosen a black suit from Gucci and my father a grey one from Prada. We arrived at the event and avoided all of the cameras. Mine and Gabrielle's good friend Sienna was at the side of Anna Wintour having pictures taken when we arrived due to her featuring on the cover of the magazine which the film centres around... We are yet to go out and celebrate along with her sister Marisa - a model for Victoria Secret.

The film was amazing and Gabrielle spent a great deal of time talking with Marc Jacobs about work at the after party. She introduced me to him and he said "We've met before haven't we here in New York... Remind me when it was" I told him it was the party held by Andre Leon Talley for Jennifer Hudson, he replied "Oh yes. I rememember. Well you both look divine I must say and I can see where you get it from. Is that your mother?" we told him it was and he said "Oh, well, you all made excellent choices whilst under the watchful eye of Anna Wintour and Gabrielle I love those shoes!" Of course, they were by him, he asked whether Gabrielle was attending fashion week and she said "Yes of course. However I cannot decide whether to attend working behind the scenes or watching the show. I think I may go with the latter" he said "Hmm wise, it does get a little hectic. You know there's always a job for you with me should you want it. I must go, it was lovely meeting you again Kyle and Gabrielle we will have to go for lunch or something. I'll be in touch if I don't see you later." It was only when he walked away that I realised he was wearing a skirt and carrying a clutch. Although it may sound absolutely horrendous he actually pulled it off. It's not something I myself would opt for though.

As the night went on my father spent most of the evening talking with Donald Trump about business whilst my mother was talking to some of her friends and Renee Zelwegger. Gabrielle and I were talking to Sienna Miller for a while prior to our departure. Whilst in the town car back to my apartment I sent a message to a friend and he accepted my request of coming round. Gabrielle noticed I was messaging someone and said "Kyle do tell me you're not inviting someone round at this time" I replied "Yes Gabrielle I am. I am oblivious as to how you think you're in a position to dictate to me" she replied "Kyle I am exhausted and would much prefer sleeping rather than listening to the sound of my brother having sex in the next room. I replied "Excuse me Gabrielle but it is my apartment in which I shall do as I please, whether it inconveniences you or not. Where is Oscar anyway?" she replied "He has work to do" I told her "Well I have things to do also so I would much prefer it if you were to go and harass him than me" she looked at me and said "You are such an idiot Kyle! Driver, we're going to the Upper East Side first please.. Carnegie Hill if you would." We sat in silence for the rest of the journey, both tired, an argument was inevitable. When we arrived at my parents townhouse she said "Thank you for the good evening. On the other hand the early hours of the morning weren't so pleasant. I shall text you tomorrow." When I got to my apartment Brent was already waiting in the foyer. Even more attractive than I had remembered, the wall street man followed me upstairs and once in the confines of my apartment I began what I do best.

The following day I went to the townhouse to get Maddox so that I could go for a run. My mother was just going out for a meeting when I entered and said "Oh good morning dear. It was extremely kind of you to kick your sister out of your apartment last night so that you can have sex. You ought to think about your actions and apologise to her." I replied "Mother, it's not as though she had to sleep on a bench in the park" she replied "That is not the point Kyle! I am not discussing this with you now, I have a meeting to go to. I shall talk to you later." With that I went into the sitting room and began having an argument with Gabrielle haha. Intercourse the previous night lead to me not having much sleep thus I was in a worse mood. We were shouting at other about all sorts and then she brought her leg up and kicked me rather hard in the chest with her heel. I grabbed her foot when she did so followed by her arm and kicked her other foot and released her arm so she was dangling by one leg. She was screaming whilst I gazed down at her amused at the sight of her struggling. My father came into the room and said "What on earth is all this noise about?! I am having a meeting in the office now will you both be quiet! Kyle put your sister down" I stared at her for a moment dangling upside down and he said "Now!" I walked over to the chaise longue and set her down as soon as I did so she kicked me and as a result I sat on her and she began emitting screams once more haha. My father walked over to me, twisted my arm up my back so it felt as though it was on the verge of breaking and marched me out of the room saying "Kyle I have two men sat in the office where I should be, however I am absent due to the havoc you are causing, now if you'd be so kind as to leave your sister alone and stay away from her or alternatively leave the house and go back to your own apartment that would be marvellous. Maddox came out of the kitchen and saw me so I gritted my teeth and he crouched and did likewise, growling at my father who still had control of my arm. I said "Father you do realise that he is trained to attack when I am in danger and believe me I would let him" my Dad laughed and I said "Speak Maddox, speak!" As requested Maddox began growling and crouching lower, still showing his teeth and then began to bark my Dad said "Kyle no, the entire house shakes when he does that!" I didn't order him to stop until my father released me and then bent down and told him how much of a good boy he was haha. With that, seeing as I wasn't wanted in my parent's house, Maddox and I left and ventured on an 8 mile run.

I returned to London a couple of days ago to attend a birthday celebration for a friend and have remained here. Nonetheless, I shall be returning to fashion week in September to attend fashion week... My invitations have already begun arriving! I only realised today that I had completely abandoned my job here in London which lasted a whole todays without so much as contacting them. If I'm honest it didn't even cross my mind once...

Speak soon,

Much love,